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Personal responsibility for your life and what you experience is
critical.
It is one of life's paradoxes that we think if we don't take
responsibility, and blame others instead, we will feel better or suffer
less.
It certainly seems like the world happens on its own and affects you in
random ways.
Every reaction, emotion and feeling you experience is yours.
Many people don't realize that when you don't like someone it is not
what they are doing or who they are, it is all coming from you.
In a reaction to someone you don't like it is you unconsciously
deciding what should be different about him or her or the situation
(but secretly you are reacting to that trait within yourself).
Remember we are not judging these reactions as right or wrong.
This can take much work to watch and really be honest with yourself,
but this is what it takes to have personal responsibility for your
life. The reactions will still happen even when you know it is coming
from within.
However, once you know and can own this fact, you are empowered to
consciously stop doing anything that hurts you or doesn't feel so good.
Until such time as you let go of wanting the world, others or yourself
to be different you will still have these reactions.
The first step in having personal responsibility for your life is to be
conscious of what is happening.
Imagine a time when your foot has 'fallen asleep' as we say. You know
your foot is full of pins and needles because you are sitting on it.
You understand the cause and the reaction. What if you were so unaware
that you had not yet put the two together?
To blame it on outside forces as if you are a help-less victim is the
opposite of taking personal responsibility for your life.
Chocolate Story
I recall a story told to me years ago when I was a teenager. It is a
true story told to me to explain food allergies.
Every Sunday morning a woman would wake up with a headache. This went
on for years and of course she sought treatment from doctors and
various therapies. Things got so bad and intolerable for her that she
was ready to commit herself to a mental health institution.
Luckily someone was aware enough to ask her what she ate or did
differently Saturday evening.
Her husband had a little ritual whereby he would walk to the local
store Saturday evening and purchase three things; the newspaper, some
milk and a bar of chocolate.
That evening they would share the chocolate bar. Of course being
intolerant or allergic to chocolate she would be a mess by Sunday
morning. Not surprisingly once she became aware of this the following
Saturday she took personal responsibility for her life and consciously
chose to not eat the chocolate. The pain didn't come.
How does this relate to helping yourself or having a more peaceful
life? Any reaction you have, any feeling or thought comes from you, end
of story. It is caused by you and the outside world simply reflects an
aspect of your inside world. The outside is a reflection of you.
This includes all events and relationships and experiences.
Personal Example
Recently I have been in a situation twice (both within the same week
which gives me a big clue as to what I am to learn about myself at that
point in time) where I have done something for the benefit of others.
Not surprisingly when the others haven't reacted with total
appreciation and showered me with specialness in the way I imagined, I
have felt hurt. With the hurt comes resentment and a contraction away
from these people.
However, thankfully I am aware enough to own that I completely and
utterly created this situation all on my own. I take personal
responsibility for my life and these people don't owe me any feelings.
The solution? See clearly that I created the whole thing, and then the
hurt isn't generated.
Through owning what I did I released attachment to those outcomes and
no
longer have hurt or resentment. I take personal responsibility for my
life and what I alone experience.
If you are resenting someone have a look and see what the generator of
the resentment is. In your mind have you sacrificed something for
someone, then felt unappreciated and so now you resent them?
You either take 100% personal responsibility for your life or you are
the victim. Whichever one you choose will determine the amount of
suffering or peace you experience.
Simply by having that attitude you will already be creating more peace
in your life.
As Ken Wilber says; it's like if you had a sore arm and then one day
looked down and realized you were pinching your arm. So too if an area
of your life is not working you can look at your thoughts, values,
desires, self-image and see the way you create your emotional and
feeling states.
To be the victim by definition means you hold it that the outside world
happens on its own and affects you in random unprovoked ways. If this
is what you hold to be true no wonder you feel fearful, scared,
isolated, depressed, despairing and alone in a big world.
To take personal responsibility for your life, which includes material
possessions and relationships as well as your emotions, is to
immediately in that moment progress your growth and enjoyment of life.
Being a victim causes you to suffer. Taking personal responsibility for
your life still brings feelings but the feelings become feedback
instead of suffering.
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