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What Is Low Self Esteem?
I don't know if people think that a definition will help low self
esteem but there are numerous different attempts at defining self
esteem.
These usually end up being quite wordy and abstract, just a bunch of
words that have nothing to do with what causes a lack of it or a
feeling of having it or how to help low self esteem.
The experience of low self esteem is what we need to talk about.
As with anything it is making the words fit the experience that
provides value. An experience of low self esteem is based upon
the belief of being not good enough, not worthy, defective, missing
something, not complete.
So What Should I Do?
I didn't have particularly low self esteem and wasn't looking at how to help low self esteem but in 2007 after a couple
of years of spiritual and personal growth I discovered something simple
yet profound. I realised that it was the ideas of my mind that
thought there was something missing or something wrong. It then
became a process of helping my mind 'see' the truth and when this is
done the mind relaxes into peace.
Because the mind doesn't know any better and because we give it so much
importance in our western culture the mind can only lead you to believe
there is something wrong. It seems there is something missing
because from its point of view there is. Your mind knows it is
not you but you believe that it is you. Talk about pressure!
Imagine if you were assumed to be a rockstar or a great politician and
everyone believed it and expected you to be that. After a while
you might think you are this rockstar or politician as well but deep
down you would know you are not. So also the mind has this
pressure from you on it and it doesn't like it!
Because you think you are where you experience your mind to be, i.e. in
your head, you think that is you. As I say though, the mind is
not you, it is something you have to use, just like your body is for
you to use and so here we have this terrible misplaced sense of
identity.
How Do I De-Identify From My Mind?
Drop into your body. Feel from your body, your heart, your navel,
anywhere and everywhere that you feel aliveness. When you are
'in' your body, meaning when your attention and awareness is on the
feeling of being alive in this moment you are much, much closer to who
you really are.
From this present feeling awareness the mind disengages from all its
endless chatter. You can notice that at times the mind will take
your attention away from your body and play out a scenario such as
mentally rehearsing a conversation or scenario
replaying a proud moment from your past
making up a conversation that you wished happened
replaying a tragic memory
or some other content.
When it does, return to being conscious of your body now and notice the
thoughts and internal chatter stops.
Do this as a way of life. It can be difficult as it feels good to
engage in a whole lot of mind activity. We get to feel powerful,
justified, proud, respected, loved, pitied, in control and so the list
goes on. Ultimately though you need to be curious and explore the
realisation that your mind is not you.
You are here now, experiencing what is real right now. I am not
saying you are your body but I am saying attention on your body is a
way to deeper understanding and peace.
So How Does All This Help Low Self Esteem?
Wen you realise you are not your mind, you can be vigilant at not
believing what you think is true about you. Your mind will
communicate to you via your negative
emotions what it believes is true or acceptable for you.
When you feel shame or guilt or any other emotion, stop drop into your
body and be curious what your mind believes to be true that caused you
to feel that way.
You might find you are ashamed to be a man or a certain race or feel
that you are not smart enough. Your job is to accept yourself however
your mind chooses to interpret events. If your mind tells you
that you are not clever just drop into the body and say something like
'I hear you, so what' Likewise with ugly, fat, boring, dirty etc.
Accept every distinction your mind makes as being true and you will be playing the mind at its own game
and it will give up. This is one powerful way to help low self
esteem.
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