James McGarrity, Disabled Vietnam Veteran, USMC, Author, Peer Specialist Cleveland VA, consumer with PTSD

by James M. McGarrity
(Doylestown, OH)

In 2004, years of worry and anger; depression, hopelessness and self loathing got the best of me. "Snap out of it!" I would tell myself. "Get over it---don't be a pussy!" and when no one was home I would stare at my reflection in the mirror and punish the hated face looking back at me with powerful open handed slaps until red and stinging where I would storm from the house and march up the road, looking for some miracle that would take the pain inside me away. But by the time I reached the corner I would melt into sadness, knowing that nothing would help me. And as I headed back to the house I prayed no one would be there and I could crawl under the covers, away from the world that offered only pain and responsibility.

In January 2005 I made my first-ever visit to a VA clinic and only on the pleas of my family I told the doctor everything----about the nightmares; the sadness; the day 40 years earlier at a little bridge in Vietnam where so many Marines died and I felt as if it had been my fault. He referred me to a VA psychologist who put me on antidepressants and in 3 weeks I was seeing the world in a different, better more optimistic way.I began group and individual counseling shortly after and looked forward to spending time with people I could relate to and they with me.

I want to jump out of my seat with joy in writing this! The VA saved my life! Today I am a Peer Specialist "giving back" to other veterans; helping them find that place of wellness around the bend that has been elusive in many cases for decades. I have written a book titled: WELL AFTER WAR: Mending the Invisible Wound and created a website: www.wellafterwar.com where I share my journey of hope. Thank you for the opportunity to tell one of my many stories of trauma. JMc