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Self-Esteem Archives - Page 4 of 4 - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem

Dr John Demartini, Demartini Method, Improving Your Self-Esteem

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Wisdom Learned From Dr
John Demartini

Dr John Demartini created and teaches the Demartini Method. A powerful way to resolve anxiety, trauma, sadness, grief, shame, guilt and any possible emotion that is holding you back from living an inspired, beautiful life.

In 2008 I first heard about Dr Demartini.  It was a year after my second reading of The
Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford, a book which made a huge change to my understanding of why people feel bad about themselves and have low self-esteem.

A friend gave me a DVD of Dr John Demartini talking about his tough early life.  He was from a loving family however he had learning and physical difficulties and drifted aimlessly once leaving school until he met an old man in a yoga class.  This old man, Paul Bragg, guided him and the rest of the class through a meditation and from that night Dr Demartini’s passion for learning and understanding began.

When I looked into his work further I was quite astounded to read and hear that he too had realized the importance of doing shadow-work and had done a similar exercise to me, but a lot more intense.

I know I felt a persistent unease within all my life until I started this internal work on myself.  I wanted to discover who I really was, what I am gifted at and what I can let go of worrying about.  Would you like to live like that also?

Listen to a great explanation below from Dr John DeMartini of why this kind of work is powerful at improving your your self-esteem.

Whereas I had gone through books, learning materials and reference material to catalogue around 1,000 personality traits, and test myself for any reaction or resistance to owning them, he had apparently gone through the entire dictionary!!!  I never thought of doing that!

He says there are about 4,600 traits he got from the dictionary and I assume he worked on each one.

His work was not only from the point of view of feeling better about himself but he also got copies of biographies of successful people and highlighted the traits that they displayed in achieving their greatness.

Dr John Demartini is passionate about all areas of human behaviour and achievement.  Part of his study was into quantum physics and the realization that there really is nothing missing from our lives.  It is our conscious mind that is unable to see everything and how it all relates and so knowing this he devised The DeMartini Method.

I lent a friend my copy of his book The Heart of Love and she said it made such a change to her life reading it and doing the exercises.  I hope it does for you too.

Elsewhere I have talked about personality traits that we do not accept and love about ourselves show up for us as an illusion in other people.  We really think they are that way, but in reality that person’s behaviour or personality provide us with a hook that shows us what we need to work on to love and accept about ourselves.

The more personality traits that you accept and love about yourself the more you will leave low self-esteem behind and you can get on with living a meaningful, inspired life.  This is one aspect of the many great teachings Dr John Demartini provides.

Developing Self-Awareness, Self-Awareness Exercises, Self-Development, Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence

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The Secret To All Growth Is Developing Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is the key to changing your life experience and overcoming poor self-esteem.

Developing-Self-Awareness Rocks Stacked Beach

Any spiritual or personal growth book worth reading will probably only make only two points important…

  • developing self-awareness
  • radical acceptance

The secret to having a life of inner peace and contentment and building your self-esteem is to accept and simply experience what is there for you right now.  Once you have developed greater awareness you have more choices about how you will think about what you experience.

Why It Takes Some Courage

It takes some courage to surrender to what is really going on.  Once you stop denying your experience and finally realize that your experience has richness, self-love and meaning, then you do not need anything outside of you to be OK such as material possessions, a partner or recognition.

Until you can see what is happening you cannot choose to change it. To be able to see it you need to be constantly developing self-awareness.

If your foot was numb you would need to be aware your foot was numb and be aware of why before you could consciously do something to change that experience. You would see that you are sitting on it and so now you can change that condition. So too it is with emotions, although more complex.

Similarly you need to see and acknowledge the way you are thinking about yourself and the world before you can see that the end result of your thinking might be an experience of anxiety.

You need to be able to see you are attached to something not happening before you can see that your attachment makes you fearful.

Increasing Understanding

Awareness is not a skill and it is not something you develop as such, it just is as it is but it gets covered up a lot of the time.

This is the difference between having your attention on what might happen (imagination) or what has happened (memory) and instead having your attention on ‘you’.  Which part of ‘you’ is real and which
part is always changing or up for changing, and therefore not real?

There is always a part of you still and silent and observing. In times you are daydreaming or rehearsing a conversation in your head or replaying an incident the awareness of you disappears doesn’t it? Try it, play with different uses of your mind and see when ‘you’ disappear. Of course it doesn’t go anywhere but it just sort of gets forgotten.

Engage your peripheral vision for a few seconds while you stay aware that you are conscious. Now concentrate on an object or read a few words. Is one mode of vision easier for you than the other to remain conscious of you?

I was watching my nephew recently at eight months old waving his arms around when he had the sudden
realization that he was doing the waving through intention. He stopped and looked at his hand and moved the fingers and he was more intrigued than with any toy.

This is what I am talking about. Developing self-awareness that you are aware and conscious that you do things.

Meditation, Contemplation and Mindfulness

Developing Self Awareness Woman Yoga Meditation Ocean
And this leads us to meditation, contemplation and mindfulness.

As you go about your day in mindfulness; watching without judgment, anything you do which is destructive, painful or unnecessary for your well-being will have a greater chance of simply dropping away. Meditation helps bring this impartial awareness and watcher to the foreground and this is transformative all by itself. It really is all that there is to do fundamentally.  Become self
aware, then accept what you find.

Developing self-awareness and accepting everything you are aware of now is powerful and is a permanent way to increase poor self-esteem.

Demartini Method, Breakthrough Experience, Self-Esteem Worksheets

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How The Demartini Method Helps You

Dr John Demartini created The Demartini Method. It is one of the most powerful ways to improve self-esteem that I know of.  Scroll down to watch a two-minute video from YouTube on The Breakthrough Experience, which uses the Method.

It is a holistic healing method to resolve all sorts of emotional issues and can help you find your life purpose.

The crux of The Demartini Method and The Breakthrough Experience is shadow-work as coined by Carl Jung the great psychologist.

It is one of the ways to improve self-esteem that leaves all the others
behind in my opinion.

In His Own Words

The Demartini Method is

– A systematic pre-determined series of mental questions directed toward the objective of assisting an individual to feel present, certainty and gratitude.

– A procedure that neutralizes an individual’s emotional charges, balances his or her mental and physical reactions, opens his or her heart and clears his or her mind.

– A continuous thinking process and writing action repeated over a course of time that results in a resolution of dis-equilibrated perceptions.

– A reproducible science enabling individuals to discover the underlying order governing their apparent daily chaos.

I discovered Dr John Demartini only after I had coincidentally done a lot of the work on myself that he teaches.  My path lead me down via other teachers and it wasn’t until I had discovered the power of shadow-work that I was told about Dr John Demartini.

I eagerly read some of his work and attended two of his talks and watched two DVDs and sure enough he was saying the same things that I KNEW were awesome at setting us free from out programming
and unresolved issues – even if we don’t know we have them.

Dr Demartini is considered by many to be one of the great minds and of course he could explain a lot more than me about why this was powerful.  After studying physics, philosophy, theology, metaphysics, psychology, astronomy, mathematics, neurology and physiology he created worksheets that you can work through on your own, or to get the most benefit attend his two-day seminar called The Breakthrough Experience.

The benefit of attending the live event is that you have Dr John Demartini himself and any number of people he has trained to help you work through the worksheets.  People have reported dramatic changes and a resolving of old issues and pain that they have carried for years and years, most often since childhood.  This leaves you to live the life you are destined to live.

The Breakthrough Experience is held many times a year throughout the world as Dr Demartini travels constantly.

Definition of Self-Esteem, What is Self-Esteem? Poor Self-Esteem

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A Definition
Of

Self-Esteem That May Help You

You likely have an idea of a definition of self-esteem. A self-esteem definition could be anything describing feeling bad about yourself, or good.

One of the main causes of feeling not good enough in my experience is a lack of self-acceptance. It is not related to your achievements or what you do or have in the external world.

Self-Acceptance

Definition Of Self Esteem Hands Reaching to Sky

Reading and understanding a definition won’t get you higher self-esteem, however you are searching because at the moment you don’t like your whole self and we have to start somewhere.

By the time you finish this page I will have shared with you my simple definition of self-esteem.

As usual when people are faced with a problem, they turn to their intellect and try and understand it like it was a puzzle or crossword. Words can not easily change your experience, however words can often reach inside and grab us and make the complicated simple. From that point on you know the issue and even though it might come through intellect, that understanding can open doors for you and lead you to a transformation.

Poetry and Poetic

Just like poetry can reflect your truth back to you, so can a well worded quote or definition. I like to keep away from language and words that sound OK when put together but in reality doesn’t point you towards taking control of your experience of life.

Once such definition of self-esteem might be…

  • A feeling of self-worth, self-confidence, and
    self-respect.

    • Sounds OK but doesn’t have anything new for you. Or try…

  • How you feel about yourself, how you feel about who
    you are, the way you act, and how you look.

    • Again, doesn’t say anything to answer the question ‘what is self-esteem?’

    So what is a more useful definition of self-esteem?

    Remember that no one sentence or quote can capture the essence of a human experience, however I would like to hopefully simplify your thoughts and give your mind something to grasp hold of… Self-esteem is a product of the completeness of your acceptance of your human experience.

    Think about a condition that has an obvious scale such as temperature. Temperature can be cold or it can be hot, or it can be anywhere along that scale. This is a more accurate way of thinking about this rather than the normal way that hot is the opposite of cold.

    We call it opposite but it really is a scale of temperature. Something only exists as hot for us in the context of temperature.

    So using the same analogy, if we called the vertical axis of a graph self-esteem and labeled the bottom of the scale ‘denial of your human experience’ and labeled the far right ‘acceptance of your human experience’ we might have a definition of self-esteem that not only tells you what a cause maybe, but also what you can do to improve self-esteem.

    Cause Of Social Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Help

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    What Is The Cause Of Social Anxiety
    Disorder?

    I will talk more below about possible cause of social anxiety disorder below and social anxiety help but first of all there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be alone.  There are several personality types which prefer being alone as opposed to being social and around other people.

    What you probably notice is a fear, phobia or panic whenever you have to interact in a social way.  If that is what you experience then there are things you can do to become more comfortable.

    Cue Alcohol

    Why do you think alcohol is so prevalent whenever two or more people meet?  Very few people are comfortable, and I mean very few.  Maybe in a room of 100 people 5 might feel energized and excited about interacting with the people there, the other 95 will be in various stages of ‘I hate this, I am so self-conscious, I don’t know what to say, I am so boring, why can’t I be like everyone else, I am crap’ etc.

    Having said that, we are social creatures and notice that one of the worst punishments incarcerated people suffered was to be put in solitary confinement. After a while of no interaction it becomes torturous to the mind.

    So for now my first bit of advice is claim your individual make-up with pride and say to yourself and the world, ‘I am designed to enjoy my own company more so than social interaction and that is the way I am’.

    Guess what. The thoughts you have about caring what other people think are the same thoughts that other people are having. Everyone walks around all day wondering what other people think of them. Did you realise this? People are consumed with thoughts about how they are perceived, not about you.

    Tongue Between Your Teeth

    Go out one day with the specific intention of watching people. People may look at others but they are really looking to see who notices them. It validates them as attractive or worthy.

    Sit on a park bench or mall seat, lean back, head up and gently hold your tongue in between the top and bottom teeth with your lips closed (all this triggers the nervous system to be more relaxed and confident) and watch how little people notice you.  When they do they will be looking to see who notices them.

    Let people think what they want. In actual fact you are projecting onto people the thoughts you have about yourself.  If you dislike yourself and feel unworthy it is far easier for the ego to project these outside onto other people.  It really does seem like other people are thinking these things to your mind but in reality these thoughts originate within you. You have no idea what others are thinking and that is their stuff to deal with anyway.

    This projection is a common way the mind feels a bit better believe it or not and so this might be a major cause of social anxiety disorder.

    It Is All You

    The important point is to see that all these thoughts are from you. Once you see it is all starting and ending in your mind you have a little more power to change your experience.  You can stop believing all the things you think others are thinking and just be there, in the moment, without expectations or pressure on yourself to be funny or interesting or clever or whatever you think it is people want from you.

    Regardless of the cause of social anxiety disorder you can overcome it by seeing through to the truth of what is going on within your mind.

    Care What People Think? Why You Don’t Need To Do So

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    Why You Don’t Need To Care What

    People
    Think

    What Can I Do To Stop Caring What Other People Think?

    Firstly, you care what people think because you have a made-up identity.

    Care What People Think Woman

    This identity is not absolute it is just a whole lot of ideas about who you are and what image you like to portray to the world.  This is the secret to letting go of placing so much importance on what others think of you.

    Sure you may be kind and nice a lot or on the other hand you might be tough and uncompromising but that is just a habit.  It is a habit that has formed from childhood where you learned one or two effective strategies to feel good, get attention or minimize pain.

    How Do I learn To Be OK?

    You are OK now, it is just you think you are not.  You are not happy being thought of as ‘cruel’ or ‘mean’ or ‘rude’.  You are taking your idea of who you are or who you should be; your idea of your personality or an ideal personality, and holding onto being that and only that.

    To feel OK you need to see that this personality idea you have is not actually you.  You need to embrace being everything under the sun.  There is no little you inside your head or anywhere else.

    There is no such thing as mean or kind or cruel in reality.  These labels only appear in your mind by comparing to something or someone else.

    At some point you will want a few more biscuits than the two that is socially acceptable to take at a morning tea.  If you do then you might feel rude.  Have you actually been rude or is it just a construct from peer pressure and society?

    To feel rude and ashamed for taking four biscuits means you place greater importance on what other people think of you than following your desires.

    What Else Do I Need To Know?

    The irony is people will respect and admire you more for being true to yourself and honest and authentic in your actions.  If you wanted to do something deep down but didn’t for fear of upsetting someone or being seen a certain way then you are incongruent between your internal world and external actions.

    Not only will this make you feel bad but people will not respect you and will walk all over you if they want to do so.  They will sense the pretending and the lack of strength of conviction in your heart.

    Women especially feel pressure to be a certain way. 

    Begin by noticing how often you betray yourself to please others or to be seen a certain way and you will see the strong influence to care what people think.  Just by watching you will start to do this
    less and less.

    Boosting Self Esteem, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, Improving Your Self Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem, Enhancing Self Esteem

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    Boosting Self Esteem

    When you wonder about boosting self esteem are you thinking about a
    short-term boost or a permanent boost? Overcoming low self esteem
    is different than distracting yourself or gaining a boost to your ego.

    Young Man Relaxing With Cup Of Coffee

    You need to get very clear on what it is you actually are going for. Why do you need to get clear? Because if you truly want a permanent way of improving your self esteem then going after the short-term, impermanent, quick fixes will not achieve a transformation.

    A short-term boost to your ego would be something that comes via what you perceive others think of you. For example some wanted attention from the opposite sex will make you feel better about yourself. You will feel attractive and sexy. The problem being once the attention goes away and the mind processes the experience you will be back to just you being with you.

    Or you could get a breakthrough on some skill or task or business project. You could achieve that goal of earning $10,000 a month and it will feel like you have some power, influence or value in this world.

    Here is a little tip for you to see if you are operating from your ego.  Have a close look at your thoughts.  Not so much the content but the structure and pattern of the content.  For example if you feel good about meeting someone or earning $10,000 per month, have a look if you are imagining other people talking about you or thinking about you.

    When you have just met someone new do you imagine your friends and family being impressed with this new person?  Do you feel some good feelings as you…

    • imagine other people thinking about you in a
      certain way?
    • imagine other people talking about you in a
      certain way?

    When you are operating from your ego, which in my experience shows up when there are other people involved in your imagination surrounding this event, it is a short-term way of improving your self esteem. It is impermanent, it will disappear as quickly as it came.

    A permanent way of boosting self esteem is to operate from some part of your being that is real and authentic.  Live your life from your heart and gut.  Be vigilant when your mind engages in all that stuff about what you need to feel better.

    Your mind is not designed to know what is right for you.  If you are making decisions and following ideas that you hope will make others think differently about you then I am afraid you are being inauthentic.

    Best Inspirational Quotes

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    Best Inspirational Quotes

    Hand selected best inspirational quotes from various people in different fields of expertise.

    Wayne Dyer Quotes

    Discover spiritual encouragement and inspiration from Dr Wayne Dyer quotes. These quotes have been selected from a couple of Wayne Dyer books, namely 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace and Getting in the Gap…

    Read More

    Strength Quotes

    And Quotes About Honesty

    A list of strength quotes to remind you of the strength and power that comes from being true to yourself and honest with others.

    There is no reason to be ashamed of what you want or what is important to you.  The world wants your truth.  You are as you are and I hope that these strength quotes remind you that really the only thing worth being in life is integral with your inner guidance and conscience… Read More

    Self-Esteem Quotes

    A selection of self-esteem quotes spoken from a place of clear awareness describing a main cause of low self-esteem.

    People think it is a virtue to disown parts of themselves of which they disapprove. All they succeed in doing is to keep themselves stuck with those parts forever. They have cut off the
    only means of growth or transformation.

    Nataniel Branden  Read More

    Marianne Williamson Quotes

    A selection of Marianne Williamson quotes to provide words of spiritual encouragement.  These spiritual quotes are provided here to help paint the picture of what this website is about when I refer to higher self-esteem and self-confidence… Read More

    Inspirational Quotes

    These inspirational life quotes convey discovering yourself as a way to higher self-esteem. For me it is the only way to genuine… Read More

    Deepak Chopra Quotes

    Selected spiritual quotations and other inspirational Deepak Chopra quotes.

    The deepest hunger in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self… Read More

    Eckhart Tolle Quotes

    The selected spiritual quotations are picked specifically for relevance to support the intention of this website to raise consciousness and therefore experience higher self esteem. These quotes have been taken from The Power of Now book, The Flowering of Human Consciousness DVD filmed in La Jolla, California
    2001 and Practicing Presence DVD.  Read More

    Appreciation Quotations

    Appreciation quotations to impress upon you the importance of letting go wishing things were different.  In the bigger scheme, there will always be something to appreciate.  When reading these quotations remember that your attitude and perspective determines your experience… Read More

    Inspirational Quotes About Life

    Here is a list of inspirational quotes about life and how to think about life and what is rewarding and fulfilling.  They are inspirational quotes about life from various people all pointing to
    self-empowerment and taking 100% responsibility for your life… Read More

    Authentic Happiness, The Great Awakening

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    Want To Know The Way To Authentic Happiness?

    If you are lost, life is hopeless, pointless and without authentic happiness then this website is for you. Or maybe you just want more inner peace and contentment or a realization of the truth?

    Middle Aged Woman Outside Tree Autumn Authentic Happiness

    I know how you might be feeling. Do you have a bookshelf full of self help materials? Self esteem low? Have an idea about your spirituality? Maybe you are searching for the umpteenth time for information on self help, spirituality or self esteem. Or, maybe you feel alone and often in despair, drifting with no sense of where you belong, what you are doing in this life or why.

    It is probably no coincidence you have come here and are reading. Maybe you were meant to be. This website has been designed with you in mind. Wherever you’re at in your life, whatever your experience, this website is created for you.

    Up until age 33 I somehow didn’t feel right. I felt I had a big piece missing and I wanted to be different. Do you know what I mean? For the most part I was quite happy BUT deep down there was something about me I was frustrated with and felt inadequate. Soon I was to find out why ALL human beings experience this or some form of this anxiety, guilt or inferiority complex.

    Hopefully that takes a bit of weight off your shoulders, it is not your fault.

    This website has been designed and built with you mind. It is available to anyone who is willing to work. The rewards are sure worth it. Keep reading below to find out a bit about what the benefits are.

    Actually, once you begin and you find some value in this sort of approach to life it will grab you and it won’t let you go. Then it doesn’t feel like work but just a happy, content peaceful way of living which is ultimately fulfilling.

    How would you like a whole new way of seeing the world? It is possible for you to live your life in a whole new way. The information on this website is designed to help you learn how to experience:

    • acceptance
    • love
    • tolerance
    • forgiveness
    • gratitude
    • compassion
    • enhanced skill learning ability
    • respect
    • intuition
    • a presence that makes others feel good
    • inner peace
    • joy
    • unconditional love
    • contentment, and
    • authentic happiness

    Andrew Johnston, Britain’s Got Talent, Pie Jesu

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    Andrew Johnston, Singer One Voice

    Andrew Johnston took the stage at Britain’s Got Talent one year after Paul Potts’ audition. Just like Potts before him and Susan Boyle after him he produced something unexpected.

    As the contestants always say, following what you love is one way of overcoming low self-esteem.

    If you feel you don’t have a passion or a talent then my advice is to be curious what yours is and keep being curious until it shows up. You will be doing yourself and the world a service.

    I like this clip as I believe we all have some extraordinary talent or aptitude that lies latent within. This video is also quite moving.