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Self-Help Archives - Page 8 of 10 - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

Self-Help

Demartini Method, Breakthrough Experience, Self-Esteem Worksheets

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How The Demartini Method Helps You

Dr John Demartini created The Demartini Method. It is one of the most powerful ways to improve self-esteem that I know of.  Scroll down to watch a two-minute video from YouTube on The Breakthrough Experience, which uses the Method.

It is a holistic healing method to resolve all sorts of emotional issues and can help you find your life purpose.

The crux of The Demartini Method and The Breakthrough Experience is shadow-work as coined by Carl Jung the great psychologist.

It is one of the ways to improve self-esteem that leaves all the others
behind in my opinion.

In His Own Words

The Demartini Method is

– A systematic pre-determined series of mental questions directed toward the objective of assisting an individual to feel present, certainty and gratitude.

– A procedure that neutralizes an individual’s emotional charges, balances his or her mental and physical reactions, opens his or her heart and clears his or her mind.

– A continuous thinking process and writing action repeated over a course of time that results in a resolution of dis-equilibrated perceptions.

– A reproducible science enabling individuals to discover the underlying order governing their apparent daily chaos.

I discovered Dr John Demartini only after I had coincidentally done a lot of the work on myself that he teaches.  My path lead me down via other teachers and it wasn’t until I had discovered the power of shadow-work that I was told about Dr John Demartini.

I eagerly read some of his work and attended two of his talks and watched two DVDs and sure enough he was saying the same things that I KNEW were awesome at setting us free from out programming
and unresolved issues – even if we don’t know we have them.

Dr Demartini is considered by many to be one of the great minds and of course he could explain a lot more than me about why this was powerful.  After studying physics, philosophy, theology, metaphysics, psychology, astronomy, mathematics, neurology and physiology he created worksheets that you can work through on your own, or to get the most benefit attend his two-day seminar called The Breakthrough Experience.

The benefit of attending the live event is that you have Dr John Demartini himself and any number of people he has trained to help you work through the worksheets.  People have reported dramatic changes and a resolving of old issues and pain that they have carried for years and years, most often since childhood.  This leaves you to live the life you are destined to live.

The Breakthrough Experience is held many times a year throughout the world as Dr Demartini travels constantly.

Definition of Self-Esteem, What is Self-Esteem? Poor Self-Esteem

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A Definition
Of

Self-Esteem That May Help You

You likely have an idea of a definition of self-esteem. A self-esteem definition could be anything describing feeling bad about yourself, or good.

One of the main causes of feeling not good enough in my experience is a lack of self-acceptance. It is not related to your achievements or what you do or have in the external world.

Self-Acceptance

Definition Of Self Esteem Hands Reaching to Sky

Reading and understanding a definition won’t get you higher self-esteem, however you are searching because at the moment you don’t like your whole self and we have to start somewhere.

By the time you finish this page I will have shared with you my simple definition of self-esteem.

As usual when people are faced with a problem, they turn to their intellect and try and understand it like it was a puzzle or crossword. Words can not easily change your experience, however words can often reach inside and grab us and make the complicated simple. From that point on you know the issue and even though it might come through intellect, that understanding can open doors for you and lead you to a transformation.

Poetry and Poetic

Just like poetry can reflect your truth back to you, so can a well worded quote or definition. I like to keep away from language and words that sound OK when put together but in reality doesn’t point you towards taking control of your experience of life.

Once such definition of self-esteem might be…

  • A feeling of self-worth, self-confidence, and
    self-respect.

    • Sounds OK but doesn’t have anything new for you. Or try…

  • How you feel about yourself, how you feel about who
    you are, the way you act, and how you look.

    • Again, doesn’t say anything to answer the question ‘what is self-esteem?’

    So what is a more useful definition of self-esteem?

    Remember that no one sentence or quote can capture the essence of a human experience, however I would like to hopefully simplify your thoughts and give your mind something to grasp hold of… Self-esteem is a product of the completeness of your acceptance of your human experience.

    Think about a condition that has an obvious scale such as temperature. Temperature can be cold or it can be hot, or it can be anywhere along that scale. This is a more accurate way of thinking about this rather than the normal way that hot is the opposite of cold.

    We call it opposite but it really is a scale of temperature. Something only exists as hot for us in the context of temperature.

    So using the same analogy, if we called the vertical axis of a graph self-esteem and labeled the bottom of the scale ‘denial of your human experience’ and labeled the far right ‘acceptance of your human experience’ we might have a definition of self-esteem that not only tells you what a cause maybe, but also what you can do to improve self-esteem.

    Dantien, Dan Tien, Power, Breathing, Meditation

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    Your Body’s Dantien

    Do You Want More Peace?

    Have you heard of dantien? How would you like to be more grounded and centred, even as you are walking around and going about your day?  If you have meditated or practiced relaxation you will be familiar with the inner peace and calmness you experience after a session.

    It is a feeling of harmony with the world.  Life feels as if it flows effortlessly and carries you along.  You feel connected to yourself, other people and to the universe.

    Eastern philosophy and martial arts talk of a point within the body that is generally described as two or three finger widths below the belly button.  If you put your attention there you can get a sense of there being something fixed but not solid.  It is a sensation of grounded-ness, of stability, of potential.

    I first heard of this point in 2003 when I did a one-day training in psychocalisthenics. Psychocalisthenics is an exercise routine that you can do at home with nothing but comfortable clothing.  15 minutes of 23 stretching and movement exercises combined with disciplined breathing is designed to awaken all muscle groups and increase energy flow throughout the body.  Practiced regularly it offers clarity of mind, strength of spirit and body.

    Anyway, back to the centre point.  This point has various names, Dantien being one or Dan Tien or Dan Tian.  You don’t have to be practicing a martial art to tap into the power and peace that comes from ‘living’ from this place.

    When you place your awareness here, or you feel as if you are moving, breathing and living from there something different, new and extraordinary happens.  You experience greater effortless-ness in being or doing.  No matter what your task, being conscious of this point and allowing this Dantien point to be the lead will increase your awareness, relaxation, power and integrity.

    Excerpts from Principles of Effortless Power by Peter Ralston page 10…

    There is more to “intelligence” than that which we attribute to intellect…When we put our feeling-attention in the center region, a place located in the lower abdomen, we shift our mode of intelligence.  The more our attention is fully centered, the greater the shift in our mode of consciousness.  Centering is perhaps the best way to calm our thoughts and emotions.  Putting attention and feeling in the center region of the body allows a shift to a state of being that is calm, nonthinking but aware, balanced, in-the-body, grounded, present and alive.

    Creating

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    Creating

    You May As Well Choose 

    Creating is something that it ordinarily seems like we choose to do every now and then.  You can choose what you desire but the act itself, as in the verb, is not something chosen.

    What does this mean?

    You could say you chose to create a dress or a meal or a painting or a song or a story. So, first there was just you and then sometime later the song existed in physical reality. I want you to broaden your awareness and first of all see that the process described above used faculties and tools that you did not choose.

    By that I mean you did not choose or develop the ability to think, visualize or plan. These qualities are there by default available for you. You used these abilities to achieve what you set out to. The ability was not attributable to something you chose, but the resultant creation is. These are quite subtle differences and are ordinarily not noticed as you go about your day doing supposedly important stuff.

    The reason it is ‘important’ is when you realize you are able to design, plan and live the life you choose then it will seem as if the whole world has changed. To know who you are and to experience self love and wonder you need to begin watching mindfully just how things happen for you.

    You need to watch and observe impartially the truth of you. That which is sitting on the chair reading this is more than enough to keep you entertained, in love and interested with life. You are like a Swiss Army Knife, Transformer and Rubik’s cube all rolled into one.

    Inside Out or Outside In?

    Many people, in fact the majority of the world, look outwards and have their attention on the physical reality external to them. They mistakenly think that is where life happens. The life that happens out there is the physically created version of the life in there.

    What you believe and think will be projected out there for you to observe and perceive. Some people, including myself at times, forget this and get caught up in the happenings out there and say ‘it shouldn’t be like that’. We look for some way of manipulating those external events into a different set of circumstances.

    Then, I not only remember, but stop and notice in awe at just what is happening as life. What is it within my desires, choices, ideas or denials is manifesting this moment as I know it? If I experience somebody as having a negative quality I look within to my own actions and ideas of who I am so that I love that same quality.

    When this is done I feel an energy change in my chest and I know that I won’t experience that same negative emotion ever again. For example I experienced somebody recently as not interested in what others want. As I witnessed this I felt myself wanting to speak up and say to this person ‘you shouldn’t be like that’.

    However, once the situation passed and I was alone, I looked within and owned that same quality by recalling two memories of my life when I did exactly the same thing.

    I let it be OK that I too did this. I felt the shift. From that moment on I was creating a different world for me to experience.

    So do you see how much power you really do have over your life experience? The other type of creating is to choose what you wish to bring into physical reality.

    By getting clear in your mind what you want and then adjusting your actions and attitudes you will be carried along to create that which you chose, or at least what is right for your authentic, spiritual self.

    An analogy might be a bus. You know the bus will take you to your destination; you don’t have to worry about the bus you just plan where you wish to go. You simply let the bus take you. The infinite intelligence, divine, God, call it what you will, is the process whereby you create. In this analogy the bus is your co-creator.

    The creation process happens outside of your responsibility. This means you can let go and concentrate on your part in the creation by having intention and surrendering. You don’t even need to think ‘how’, just think ‘what’ and let the how show up.

    Control Dramas

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    How To Move On From
    Childhood Control Dramas

    What Is A Control Drama?

    Control dramas are strategies all human beings use to get their way.  Because we live as if it is us against everything that is not us we need to have tactics that work to get what we want.

    I am not so much talking about goods but more talking about attention
    and behaviour from other people.

    How Do We Do This?

    We do this in lots of ways but primarily you will have learned at a young age what works.  Depending on the family environment or lack of one you will have adapted to the strategy that…

    • got you attention that you liked
    • reduced or removed the attention you did not like

    You may have been conditioned and motivated to play the role of victim so that people will feel sorry for you…hopefully and their attention feels good.

    You may have realized that when your are strong and tough people give you attention and it feels good.

    You may have been a bit shy and separated yourself from others in an attempt to get others to notice you and come to you.

    What Do I Do About This?

    Firstly don’t see this manipulation as a bad thing.  We all do it because we don’t know any better.  Manipulation sounds like a dreadful trait but in reality it just means you do something to exert control on someone else or to try and ensure an outcome for yourself.

    Secondly, like everything else just watch, notice and be gentle.  You have awareness and you will be able to catch your-self adopting one of the above strategies in your interactions with people.

    It will be most obvious to you at the start probably to notice it when you are alone.  You will run conversations in your head imagining the other person there and you will be trying to get one up on them.  You might be playing ‘poor me, isn’t life harsh’ in your script.  Or you might be imagining yourself as the victor in a heated argument where you shoot the other person down in flames with your cleverness.

    Just watch, notice and say to your-self ‘there it is again’.  It may take two weeks or it may take two years but eventually whatever control dramas you have used since childhood will drop away simply by watching and being conscious.

    Conscious Men, Conscious Women, Conscious Relationships, Gay Hendricks

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    Conscious Men Relating

    To Conscious Women

    Here is a video about conscious men coming to the realisation that their power and potential for growth lies in their attitude and ways of relating to women, be they conscious women or not.  Well known authors Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks talk with Pamela Zimmer about the potential for women and men to grow spiritually and personally when men allow and encourage women to be who they are authentically.

    What Gay says about being a block of granite with a shirt on is very true.  Men grow up believing that emotions and feelings are unnecessary and/or embarrassing.  Women might find that hard to understand.  Watch and enjoy and please leave comments below.

    Leave comments below.

    Do you agree with what is being spoken about?  As a woman would you feel safe in this type of conscious relationship with a man?

    The Celestine Prophecy Book by James Redfield

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    The Celestine Prophecy Book

    Who Wrote The Celestine Prophecy?

    The Celestine Prophecy book was written by James Redfield in 1993.  James Redfield grew up in Alabama, USA and was raised in the ways of the Methodist Church.  Later he became more interested in Eastern philosophy and it is here that he likely developed the spiritual ideas which were presented in the book.

    What Is The Book About?

    The book is fictional.  It is a made up story about an American man who is told of an ancient manuscript in Peru containing centuries old wisdom and predictions about life.  Off he travels and meets all sorts of goodies and badies along the way.  The goodies want to learn more and follow the wisdom but the badies want to get rid of the manuscript primarily because it threatens their power.

    Why Did It Become So Popular?

    I first heard of it in 1996 but I never felt compelled to pick it up and read it until 2010.  There is probably no known reason why some books become popular and others do not.  The ideas presented in The Celestine Prophecy book, namely 9 insights into humanity and the universe are attractive to all those in the new age, spiritual thought realm.

    What Does The Book Say?

    Briefly the insights are…

    1. That coincidences are for us to take notice of with more than a passing brush off.

    2. History and the ages can be understood when taken in context of a larger perspective of evolution.

    3. We are becoming aware that everything is made of energy and we are all connected.

    4. We don’t realise it but we compete with each other for energy and this is what breeds conflict.

    5. We can connect to the energy of oneness and receive energy consciously this way instead of competing to get energy from other people.

    6. We each develop a strategy in childhood to get energy from those around us and we continue this in adulthood.  The four strategies are intimidating, interrogating, being aloof or playing ‘poor me’.

    7. Once we can see our control strategy and those of our parents we can become clearer on why we were born to that family and what our life mission is.

    8. Become whole and support others by giving them your energy willingly.

    9. As we evolve we raise our vibration and this is nurturing and fulfilling for ourselves and the planet.

    Cause Of Social Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Help

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    What Is The Cause Of Social Anxiety
    Disorder?

    I will talk more below about possible cause of social anxiety disorder below and social anxiety help but first of all there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be alone.  There are several personality types which prefer being alone as opposed to being social and around other people.

    What you probably notice is a fear, phobia or panic whenever you have to interact in a social way.  If that is what you experience then there are things you can do to become more comfortable.

    Cue Alcohol

    Why do you think alcohol is so prevalent whenever two or more people meet?  Very few people are comfortable, and I mean very few.  Maybe in a room of 100 people 5 might feel energized and excited about interacting with the people there, the other 95 will be in various stages of ‘I hate this, I am so self-conscious, I don’t know what to say, I am so boring, why can’t I be like everyone else, I am crap’ etc.

    Having said that, we are social creatures and notice that one of the worst punishments incarcerated people suffered was to be put in solitary confinement. After a while of no interaction it becomes torturous to the mind.

    So for now my first bit of advice is claim your individual make-up with pride and say to yourself and the world, ‘I am designed to enjoy my own company more so than social interaction and that is the way I am’.

    Guess what. The thoughts you have about caring what other people think are the same thoughts that other people are having. Everyone walks around all day wondering what other people think of them. Did you realise this? People are consumed with thoughts about how they are perceived, not about you.

    Tongue Between Your Teeth

    Go out one day with the specific intention of watching people. People may look at others but they are really looking to see who notices them. It validates them as attractive or worthy.

    Sit on a park bench or mall seat, lean back, head up and gently hold your tongue in between the top and bottom teeth with your lips closed (all this triggers the nervous system to be more relaxed and confident) and watch how little people notice you.  When they do they will be looking to see who notices them.

    Let people think what they want. In actual fact you are projecting onto people the thoughts you have about yourself.  If you dislike yourself and feel unworthy it is far easier for the ego to project these outside onto other people.  It really does seem like other people are thinking these things to your mind but in reality these thoughts originate within you. You have no idea what others are thinking and that is their stuff to deal with anyway.

    This projection is a common way the mind feels a bit better believe it or not and so this might be a major cause of social anxiety disorder.

    It Is All You

    The important point is to see that all these thoughts are from you. Once you see it is all starting and ending in your mind you have a little more power to change your experience.  You can stop believing all the things you think others are thinking and just be there, in the moment, without expectations or pressure on yourself to be funny or interesting or clever or whatever you think it is people want from you.

    Regardless of the cause of social anxiety disorder you can overcome it by seeing through to the truth of what is going on within your mind.

    Career Change Advice, Change In Career, Making A Career Change, Advice Career Change

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    Career Change Advice

    Career change advice from a spiritual point of view is all about non-interference, just as it is in every area of life.  Let life float you along and you will be on your right track for growth and fulfillment.

    All our abilities and passions are not evident from day one and so a change in career is bound to appeal to you at some stage, even if it is scary.

    You can do what you want but you can’t choose what you like doing.

    A Change In Heart

    If you have noticed a change in heart over recent times, an interest in making a career change to something else, then accept that something new in your life may be flowering and it needs patience and time to mature.

    Just because you have lost interest and passion for your job doesn’t mean you should quit. When the time is right you will know what to do and when. Be open to following your heart and your intuition. That is the real you, the one that has a journey and a path to follow.

    You have free will to ignore the calling to do something else but you will never feel fulfilled if you do ignore it.

    Accounting To Enlightenment

    I trained as an accountant and was always working with numbers, finance and accounting. At age 33 I started becoming interested in spiritual enlightenment, higher consciousness and psychology. Prior to this I had no awareness of anything to do with personal growth or spirituality at all.

    I did not choose to like accounting and I did not choose to develop an interest in spiritual matters.  Where did they come from?  Who knows but I am not passionate about cars or trucks or fashion design as some of you are.  For some reason you are passionate about stuff that bores me and vice versa.  Nothing is wrong, every passion serves a purpose within you and within the whole of us.

    When the soul is ready to move on to something else it lets you know via uncomfortable feelings. Be patient and be curious and open to what it is your soul is leading you towards.

    Ignore It At Your Peril

    If you ignore it this is when depression, sadness and major crises can occur to get you to wake up and listen. It is the way the universe gets you back on track.

    Please don’t rush out and make changes quickly from your head, but as I say listen to your gut, follow where you are being guided towards and it will all become clear in time.  The best career change advice comes from your inner guidance.

    When in doubt do nothing and just be patient and wait. If you are unsure what to do next just wait until it is obvious to you beyond doubt.  Then the challenge is to do it with conviction.

    Care What People Think? Why You Don’t Need To Do So

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    Why You Don’t Need To Care What

    People
    Think

    What Can I Do To Stop Caring What Other People Think?

    Firstly, you care what people think because you have a made-up identity.

    Care What People Think Woman

    This identity is not absolute it is just a whole lot of ideas about who you are and what image you like to portray to the world.  This is the secret to letting go of placing so much importance on what others think of you.

    Sure you may be kind and nice a lot or on the other hand you might be tough and uncompromising but that is just a habit.  It is a habit that has formed from childhood where you learned one or two effective strategies to feel good, get attention or minimize pain.

    How Do I learn To Be OK?

    You are OK now, it is just you think you are not.  You are not happy being thought of as ‘cruel’ or ‘mean’ or ‘rude’.  You are taking your idea of who you are or who you should be; your idea of your personality or an ideal personality, and holding onto being that and only that.

    To feel OK you need to see that this personality idea you have is not actually you.  You need to embrace being everything under the sun.  There is no little you inside your head or anywhere else.

    There is no such thing as mean or kind or cruel in reality.  These labels only appear in your mind by comparing to something or someone else.

    At some point you will want a few more biscuits than the two that is socially acceptable to take at a morning tea.  If you do then you might feel rude.  Have you actually been rude or is it just a construct from peer pressure and society?

    To feel rude and ashamed for taking four biscuits means you place greater importance on what other people think of you than following your desires.

    What Else Do I Need To Know?

    The irony is people will respect and admire you more for being true to yourself and honest and authentic in your actions.  If you wanted to do something deep down but didn’t for fear of upsetting someone or being seen a certain way then you are incongruent between your internal world and external actions.

    Not only will this make you feel bad but people will not respect you and will walk all over you if they want to do so.  They will sense the pretending and the lack of strength of conviction in your heart.

    Women especially feel pressure to be a certain way. 

    Begin by noticing how often you betray yourself to please others or to be seen a certain way and you will see the strong influence to care what people think.  Just by watching you will start to do this
    less and less.