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understanding self Archives - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

Self-Love, Loving


How To Have Self-Love

What do we mean when we talk of self-love? At some level of awareness we could be talking about feeling worthy, liking being you, or feeling there is nothing to change.

On another level of awareness it could mean really stopping to notice that you have never challenged (asked/sought an answer) the fact that you are doing this thing called living but you have no knowing of what that is.

Self-love for me is experiencing ever increasing amounts of wonder and joy at my own existence.

By really stopping and noticing that I exist and challenging the mind to stay with me it brings amazement, wonder, self-love and a humbleness that is hard to replicate in the world of things.

I mean really realize like you realize you have never actually noticed before. 

A letting go happens that allows you to not care so much about this identity and self image you have been carrying around. The image will still be there to an extent, but the identification with the image as ‘who you are’ will loosen.

As you sit there, see if your mind will allow you to consider what would be different if you were born to a different family.

I believe Buddha said ‘that which changes isn’t real and that which is real doesn’t change’. Here he is referring to dropping and letting go believing you are the collection of memories and personality traits and noticing what would be the same even if you had different memories and experiences.

All you will ever need is ‘you’. There is enough to learn and discover and entertain you simply by becoming more and more curious and aware and in awe of ‘you’.

As you discover the truth you will notice more and more that your awareness of your life flows inside outwards rather than outside inwards.

I distinctly remember the first time I owned the whole world. I was walking to work in 2006 and I realized that the whole world was within. Everything I was aware of was happening in my awareness. For there to be something outside of me, I had to be there also.

It was an amazing experience.

To know the trees along the road and the boats on the water out from St Heliers, Auckland as I walked down the hill to work were all ‘within me’ was liberating and empowering.  I distinctly remembering then the new overwhelming feelings of awe, wonder amazement and self-love.

What lead up to this was a lot of contemplation and work but what opened the door was realizing that anything I feel comes from within me.

That is to say anything I feel is my responsibility.  Outside conditions or occurrences do not come prepackaged with feelings. 

Anything I experience is created and experienced within me.  I had not long earlier really understood and seen this in my own experience of life.

You can continue to operate in your old way and survive but if you really want to live a meaningful life, go for the truth. How do you do that? Find out the truth of who and what you are and the way ‘It’ is.

Watch and see yourself do this thing called living and experience self-love, not just as an idea or a function of positive thinking, but as an experience.

Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem Empowerment, Empowerment Exercises


Four Ways To Self-Empowerment

Here are four ways to self-empowerment. The best and easiest personal empowerment exercises that I use every day and have helped transform my life are below.

None of these exercises are a quick fix forever. You become a product of your habits over time. If you introduce and practice a new habit such as the ones below, even for five seconds, you will experience personal self-empowerment.

1. Be In Your Body

About two finger-widths below your belly button is the area that could be thought of as your physical and energy centre.  It is a place that martial artists and masters of eastern practices such as Tai Chi and Qigong are aware of and they regard as a place of power.  Referred to as dantien, you could also imagine
your breath starts and finishes here.  When you have your awareness on this internal centre you feel more relaxed, calm, present and powerful…try it, practice it, meditate on it.

2. Be Directly Conscious Of Your True Nature

Beyond the experience of your thoughts and emotions there is something more real.  To be directly conscious of your true nature helps you to de-identify with your thoughts and emotions.  You are not your emotions you have emotions.  You are not your thoughts you have thoughts.  Practice watching with awareness.

3. Be 100% Responsible

You can live two ways; either live as if everything you experience is your responsibility, or pick and choose which experiences you want to take responsibility for.

4. Always Reach For A Slightly Better Feeling

Feelings can be thought of as a spectrum rather than each ones as separate entities.  At one end of the spectrum you have deep depression and suicidal thoughts.  At the other end you have peace and contentment.  Because feelings exist on a spectrum you can always do something or think something that moves you a bit closer to the next feeling higher up on the spectrum.  You can read extensively about this in the book Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.