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self-confidence Archives - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

self-confidence

Spiritual Fitness Training, Developing Self-Esteem, Finding Inner Strength, Self-Confidence

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Spiritual Fitness Training Empowers You

What Is Spiritual Fitness Training?

If you have ever reached a reasonable level of physical fitness you know that you can do more activity in your life without feeling overwhelmed and beyond your threshold.

Likewise with spiritual fitness, when you have trained your attitude and way of thinking and relating to the world, you are able to stay calm, relaxed and at inner peace no matter what may come.

Is It About Doing Weird Practices?

No not at all.  This is about finding inner strength.  It is about realising that within you there is the ability to be calm and forgiving and loving and compassionate no matter what the circumstances.

It is within you already but it is obscured by the way you think of yourself and the world.

What Are The Benefits?

Apart from developing self-esteem and feeling that you are connected and meaningful it is about rediscovering the truth of who you really are.  The way you feel about yourself and life, and how effective you are at living a meaningful life is determined by they way you think about yourself and life.

How Do I Develop It?

  • Be honest.  Stop pretending.  When you speak let the breath that starts from your abdomen arise up through your centre and push the words out.  The breath carries the words like a surfer on a wave, except the words and the breath are one.  When you do this you are speaking from your truth, your gut, your experience.
  • Realise that you are not in control and trust that it is OK.  Have faith, let go of trying to understand because you never will.  Turn it all over to a higher power.
  • Pray, or at least ask for what you feel in your gut.  Discern between what you imagine you want and what you actually want.  The ego will tell you what to want based on greed and fear, your gut will tell you what you really want deeply to feel fulfilled.

When Should I Do This?

This is about being real and therefore being empowered to live a life without overwhelm.  It is to be done as much as you can.  It is about living your life this way.  The alternative is to stay stuck feeling alone and isolated and unworthy.  

Spiritual fitness training is really about living aligned with the truth of your true nature.  Integrity, truth and trust.

Self-Love, Loving

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How To Have Self-Love

What do we mean when we talk of self-love? At some level of awareness we could be talking about feeling worthy, liking being you, or feeling there is nothing to change.

On another level of awareness it could mean really stopping to notice that you have never challenged (asked/sought an answer) the fact that you are doing this thing called living but you have no knowing of what that is.

Self-love for me is experiencing ever increasing amounts of wonder and joy at my own existence.

By really stopping and noticing that I exist and challenging the mind to stay with me it brings amazement, wonder, self-love and a humbleness that is hard to replicate in the world of things.

I mean really realize like you realize you have never actually noticed before. 

A letting go happens that allows you to not care so much about this identity and self image you have been carrying around. The image will still be there to an extent, but the identification with the image as ‘who you are’ will loosen.

As you sit there, see if your mind will allow you to consider what would be different if you were born to a different family.

I believe Buddha said ‘that which changes isn’t real and that which is real doesn’t change’. Here he is referring to dropping and letting go believing you are the collection of memories and personality traits and noticing what would be the same even if you had different memories and experiences.

All you will ever need is ‘you’. There is enough to learn and discover and entertain you simply by becoming more and more curious and aware and in awe of ‘you’.

As you discover the truth you will notice more and more that your awareness of your life flows inside outwards rather than outside inwards.

I distinctly remember the first time I owned the whole world. I was walking to work in 2006 and I realized that the whole world was within. Everything I was aware of was happening in my awareness. For there to be something outside of me, I had to be there also.

It was an amazing experience.

To know the trees along the road and the boats on the water out from St Heliers, Auckland as I walked down the hill to work were all ‘within me’ was liberating and empowering.  I distinctly remembering then the new overwhelming feelings of awe, wonder amazement and self-love.

What lead up to this was a lot of contemplation and work but what opened the door was realizing that anything I feel comes from within me.

That is to say anything I feel is my responsibility.  Outside conditions or occurrences do not come prepackaged with feelings. 

Anything I experience is created and experienced within me.  I had not long earlier really understood and seen this in my own experience of life.

You can continue to operate in your old way and survive but if you really want to live a meaningful life, go for the truth. How do you do that? Find out the truth of who and what you are and the way ‘It’ is.

Watch and see yourself do this thing called living and experience self-love, not just as an idea or a function of positive thinking, but as an experience.

Raise Your Self Esteem, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, BoostingSelf Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem, Ways To Improve Self Esteem

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Raise Your Self Esteem

Once you raise your self esteem, if done thoroughly, you experience life flowing.

A translation by J.H. McDonald of chapter 2 of Tao Te Ching says…

Things come her way and she does not stop them;

Things leave and she lets them go.

She has without possessing,

and acts without expectations.

When her work is done she takes no credit.

Once you begin to transcend the illusion of being an isolated, separate object and feel and know that you are not…

  • a certain way
  • separate
  • completely in control
  • doing something wrong

then it becomes pointless worrying about…

  • things that you don’t have
  • what other people think of you
  • what you should be doing

If you could pretend right now that everything that you thought to be true about your life and yourself was part of a larger plan to help you do something magnificent at a later time, would that make more sense?

If you could trust the intelligence of what has you aware of yourself, and trust that this power, force, potential, ability, creator call it what you will, is actually who you are in essence, you could let go of trying to work out with your rational mind why things happen, why things don’t happen, why this and why that.

Some people like to feel in control of their lives and they don’t have much internal turmoil.  They are probably quite content with their life experience most of the time.  If you have much internal turmoil and angst it would indicate to me that there are memories within your nervous system which have not yet been processed and let go of.

Either that or your attitude and beliefs about what life is are so far removed from reality that life is a traumatic experience for you.

What does all this have to do with boosting self esteem?  Well, self-esteem is not a thing that you develop like a muscle.  You cannot think of self esteem as a thing you have.  You cannot develop more of it specifically.

To raise your self-esteem you simply need to know the truth of what self is.  There are two selfs.  One we write with a small ‘s’ and means the ego or illusion of who you think you are.  The big ‘S’ Self means the essential, spiritual, real, authentic you.

The one you were born as, the one who is unique and unknown.  Once you turn your attention inwards to the feeling of being aware and curious about who and what that is, you start to get to know the real you, the real Self.

So in order to experience overcoming low self-esteem know the real you, the big ‘S’ Self.  The big ‘S’ Self thinks that it is pretty AMAZING.  The big ‘S’ Self loves itself and knowing that this is who you are is how you raise your self-esteem.

Overcoming Low Self Esteem, Ways To Improve Self Esteem, Improving Your Self Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem, Enhancing Self Esteem

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Overcoming Low Self Esteem

Transforming your experience of yourself is the key to overcoming low self-esteem.  In 2007 two years after I had my first and most profound enlightenment experience I realised how I could learn more about my conditioning and programming.

Young Woman Smiling Group Of People

Unfortunately you and everyone else grew up with less than ideal influences and messages.  You are subject to the messages from your parents and teachers about what is right and wrong.  However Mum and Dad or whoever took care of you have their own unique hurt and fear and this shapes the messages you receive.

Your self-image and your ideas of what is acceptable and expected is formed from these messages and your own unique interpretations of what you experience.

Improving your self-esteem is about discovering what is true below these messages.  Who are you before you believed what your hurt Father did or said to you?  What is real below this hurt layer of beliefs?  If you were told that you are good at nothing and will never be anything in life then this becomes what you believe to be true.

I am interested in what is true in reality, not just what you believe.  These beliefs cover up what is true and unfortunately you will continue to experience these beliefs as true instead of what is actually true.

If you believe you are stupid you will interpret your actions and other people’s actions and words to align with this belief.  I may say something silly (and I do at times) but I never make it mean I am stupid.   You also may say something silly and you will feel stupid and hate yourself and feel that feeling of low self-esteem.

It is the same with any trait: ugly, boring, not good enough, mean etc, etc.  Whatever you believe to be true about yourself will be how you interact with others and how you interpret what you experience.

Low Self-Esteem Signs, Lack Of Self-Esteem, Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

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What Are Some

Low Self-Esteem Signs?

How to spot the most common low self-esteem signs and signs of poor self-esteem.

  • Feeling apologetic for your existence
  • Feeling embarrassed to let others see you spend time
    on your-self, e.g. grooming
  • Feeling that you are a burden to others
  • Negative inner dialogue
  • Telling others about your flaws
  • Feeling unable to tell others what you want
  • Unable to have or express an opinion that differs from
    others
  • Unable to simply say ‘thankyou’ when complimented
  • Feeling ashamed to be you
  • Feeling guilty about setting boundaries with others
  • Unable to set boundaries

And some additional low self-esteem signs you may not have thought of …

  • Pretending when around others
  • Criticizing other people or making fun of stereotypes
  • Blaming others for your life situation
  • Wishing that others would change or not be as they are
  • Lack of acceptance of situations and other people
  • Acting in a certain way in an attempt to be seen by
    others as having a certain reputation

These are just a few. Be brutally honest with your-self and really watch your-self as you go about your day and notice the characteristics of a lack of self-esteem that might be in your awareness.

If you spot your-self doing any of the above then please simply witness the occurrence and don’t add judgments such as, ‘I am really bad’ or ‘I hate my-self’. Simply witness like you are a scientist observing your experience.

This is the first step in finding some low self-esteem solutions.

Signs of low self-esteem are an indicator of a lack of understanding and acceptance of your essential nature as a human being.

The good news is that is simple to address this once you know how. It is an ongoing process and each day gets better and better as you finally take control of your life and the signs of poor self-esteem drop away from your experience.

Self-Esteem, Self-Help, Spiritual Growth

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Self-Help And Spiritual Growth To

 Achieve Permanent High Self-Esteem

If you are searching the web for self-esteem, self-help or spiritual growth you are probably coming across advice like…

  • focus on your achievements
  • say affirmations
  • be nice to yourself
  • fake it until you make it

These people mean well, but I doubt the great spiritual teachers of the past or influential psychologists of our time would answer a student’s question about self-esteem by instructing them to focus on aspects that reinforce your current experience of yourself.

I want to show you how to do work on yourself that is hugely rewarding, meaningful, simple and transformational. First I want to talk a bit more about how you got in this predicament in the first place… Read More

________________________________________________________________

Do you sit there and search for answers to help yourself? Do you think you are into self-help but deep down wish or wait for someone to save you, help you or make you better

Do you fantasise about becoming rich, fit, funny or popular and think you will feel better then? Helping yourself is about going inwards to discover what is true.

There is the truth of the way ‘It’ is which is more in the domain of spiritual growth, and then there is your truth that is more in the domain of self-help.

There is the truth of you as a seemingly separate object we call a person – your experience of life; your emotional truth, your perceptions and interpretations and ideas of the way you and the world are.

The Open Secret

And the secret of self-help is to start with being brutally honest about what is true for you in each moment… Read
More

Human Shadow, Shadow Work, Shadow Self, Shadow Projection, Healing The Shadow

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What Is The Human Shadow?

Who You Think You Are

Every human being has an idea of what sort of person they are.  The human shadow is everything that does not exist within your accepted self-image.

Who You Think You Are Not

In reality a human being seems to be a potential to be anything at any time rather than one fixed way.  Therefore your self-image keeps you trapped in one way of being.  You feel stuck.  Anything that comes into your awareness that doesn’t fit with your accepted self-image makes you feel bad.

When you feel bad your mind continues to focus on all the parts of your life that seem to not be working.  Then you feel even worse.

This all continues until you wake up to the fact that your self-image is just a mental idea.  It is just a concept; a creation of the mind.  It is not actually you but rather it is how you think you are.

Who Are You Really?

I nor anyone can’t tell you who you are because we would just be exchanging information.  You can’t use the mind and its functions such as intelligence and reasoning to discover the truth of your existence.

The task is to release attachment to being one particular way and instead be willing to experience and be everything.  This is closer to who you are in reality, rather than your self-image.  Even if this way you think you are was full of neat sounding traits like intelligent, sexy, funny, lively, loving you still have the potential as a human being to experience all the opposites.  If you do experience one of these opposite traits one day you would feel terrible because you were attached to being the positive trait.

It is all the opposites that lie outside of your accepted self-image that we call the human shadow.

When you accept that you can and do experience EVERY potential human trait you transform your experience of life.  Life begins to flow effortlessly.

How Do You Discover Your Shadow?

You discover your shadow self not through your mind but via awareness.  Just by watching and observing each moment and what you feel and believe to be true about yourself and the world.

The quickest way is to watch and observe your shadow projection onto other people.  This is when you have some negative feeling towards another person because you judge them to be a certain way.  It is extremely subtle and is why so many people go around feeling annoyed and irritated with others.  Anything that does not fit within your accepted self-image gets projected by your mind onto someone else in your life.

If you are sure you are never rude then rude people will show up in your awareness.  If you believe that you are stupid but don’t accept that about yourself as a potential human experience then you will dislike someone else because you think they are stupid.  Whatever is in your shadow shows up in the outside world.

What Can You Do About This?

Healing the shadow is about reclaiming these traits that you project onto others.  A human is potential not fixed.  You are not one way so work to not care about being a certain way.  If you were to get in with a bad crowd who did drugs and crime and joined a gang you would change.

What you need to do is what they call shadow work.  Healing the shadow means finding all the traits that are outside of your accepted self-image and welcoming them back like long lost children.  The human shadow has within it huge potential for growth and getting your life back on track.

Gold In The Shadow, Shadow Work, Shadow Self, Shadow Projection, Human Shadow

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Discover Gold In The Shadow And

Change Your Life

What Is The Gold In The Shadow?

The gold in the shadow can be understood by seeing that just as we protect our sense of self by denying that we possess ‘bad’ qualities, we also do not fully acknowledge that we have ‘good’ qualities.

Your sense of self, your self-image contains certain traits and anything that does not fit into this picture you have off yourself, or anything you wish was not in the picture is called your shadow.

Shadow Gold Unlocks Your Potential

When you see someone who has desirable qualities, watch and notice if you think this person is somehow more special than you.  If you feel infatuated by them or you put them up on a pedestal in your mind then you are projecting positive qualities onto them.

You can notice if someone has positive qualities and not be projecting.  It is placing them above you in your mind that is evidence of your shadow, as Carl Jung termed it.

What Do I Do With This?

Just the same as you would do with negative qualities you project onto others, you need to go within and be brutally honest and find instances or areas of your life where YOU have these same qualities.

They will be there it is just you will have minimized them in your mind.  You might project amazing traits onto a musician but deny the same level of genius in your cooking ability.  Cooking comes so easy to you you think it is no big deal.

Well the musician finds it easy to play music and it is no big deal to her either.  We each are given talents and skills in different areas and it is for you to embrace these.

Your inner peace and self-esteem will change immediately for each trait you re-own, embrace and love.  These positive traits are said to be the shadow gold.

Enhancing Self Esteem, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, Raise Your Self Esteem, Boosting Self Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem

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Enhancing Self Esteem

What are some of the ways of enhancing self esteem?  As I mention elsewhere many times genuine self esteem comes from becoming directly conscious of your true nature.

Back view of Caucasian mid-adult woman standing on Maui, Hawaii coast with arms outstretched and head thrown back.

When you know the stillness within is actually a connection with the divine and you cultivate this connection, it is the only way of overcoming low self esteem.  Your self esteem transforms into something authentic, real, absolute.

So unless cultivating this knowing and connection is the base of your work to raise your self esteem anything else you do will be more of a cover up job than a permanent change.

However, the below points are things you can do as a way of enhancing self esteem.  Think of them as supplements rather than solutions.

  • Belong to a group

One of our fundamental needs as humans is to feel that we belong to a group.  We want to feel that we are the same as at least one other person in some way.  This is why it hurts so much if we are not invited or included in a group when we are children.  It is about safety, confirmation that we are not too defective, feeling we have some worth or value etc.

  • Volunteer

Helping others does feel good.  It is unusual for someone to help others purely because they can, usually there will be some selfish reason.  I don’t mean selfish in a critical way just as an observation that helping others feels good to the helper.

  • Dance

casual lovely girl dancing - hands frame

Music, movement and freedom seems to connect us internally or bring about something within us that we don’t normally experience.  It seems the body, mind and spirit all loves to feel movement and can leave you feeling grounded and connected, which is important for self esteem.

  • Sing

Singing when done correctly begins from deep down in the abdomen and also here is a strong sense of being.  Down in the navel below the belly button is your centre.  It is from here that breath, voice and energy seem to begin.  So singing allows you to access this place and provides a way to express your unique, authentic sound

  • Workout/fitness

Most people have experienced being at their physical best at some stage.  Not only does the brain and body make nice feeling chemicals when we exercise but there is something about taking active interest and care of your body which brings its own rewards for how you feel and treat yourself.

  • Teach

No matter how little you know about something you will know more than people who know nothing about it.  You can specialise in being the teacher to new beginners. Once they have learned from you what you can teach they will naturally move onto the next teacher.  That is normal, perfectly fine and is rewarding to know you make a difference to someone’s understanding.

  • Connect with someone

This can just be a 2 second connection in the store.  Have a think about whether you experience any moments of connection regularly.  This is not just an interaction but a connection.  Walk into a store with the purpose of making a 2 second connection with the person who asks you if they can help.  You don’t even need to say anything if that is not easy for you.  Just look at them in the eye for 2 or 3 seconds as you say ‘no thanks’.  There is a HUGE difference between looking at someone’s eyes and looking into their eyes.

For example look at the picture here and notice you can vaguely glance in the direction of her eye or you can take a couple of seconds to see the eye directly.

  • Receive bodywork

It feels good not only physically but in all ways to have someone’s attention on you.   When you have a massage or reflexology or Alexander Technique you are being touched by another human in a non-needy, gentle and caring way.  This is beneficial to your sense of well-being and your connectedness.

Enhancing self-esteem is still about spiritual principles of feeling grounded, centred, connected and with service to others.  Notice that enhancing self-esteem has nothing to do with buying stuff.