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Self-Esteem Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem

Raising Self Esteem, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, Ways To Improve Self Esteem, Raise Your Self Esteem, Boosting Self Esteem

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The Process of Raising Self-Esteem

The process of raising self esteem is simple but not necessarily easy.  Simple in the fact that all it requires is a transformation in consciousness from denial and fear to acceptance and love.

It is not necessarily easy because the belief that you are a separate, completely independent thing is strong and convincing.

One way of raising self esteem is to take your belief that you are a thing and pump up the beliefs about what that thing is like.  In short you change your self image for a better one.

You can attempt to focus on something that you believe to be true about yourself that makes you feel a bit more worthy and acceptable.  By the way, in doing this the parts that you don’t like about yourself don’t actually disappear they just get ignored.

This might seem like a result however it will likely cause greater problems for you at a later date in some way.

Just as if you are repairing or cleaning something and you try and do just enough so that what is immediately visible looks OK, deep down you feel a nagging that you haven’t quite done a proper job.  You know it will have to be faced at a later date.  Or you feel a false sense of achievement that you have got a way with it.  It is like you feel clever for taking the easy way out and achieving your task.

How does it feel when you know you have really done a thorough job and you know your repair will last?  Just like rust in a car or a hole in a sock the section needs to be completely rebuilt and reintegrated into the whole.

So it is with the ego and the Self.  The ego is who and what you think you are.  You might think you are kind and polite and this and that.  Or you might think you are stupid and pathetic and mean and cruel.  Whatever self image you have is your ego.

Your ego is just your idea and becomes the focus of your life.  It is what you then interpret life’s events through.

Just as the rust in the car would attract the eye and the attention and make you miss seeing the car as a whole so to we end up focusing on the self image and miss seeing and feeling the whole experience.  By the whole experience I mean the experience of being part of the whole, connected to all that there is, divine, Self.

The process of raising self esteem is to bit by bit transform your awareness from the ego to the whole.  When you meditate the ego takes a back seat.  When you sit across from another person and feel their energy and really get what they are communicating the ego takes a back seat.  There are many many ways of accomplishing this task of deidentifying with the ego and reidentifying with the whole.

Why does this raise your self esteem?  Because genuine self esteem is a product of your awareness, acceptance and love of the truth.  It is not something you build up and pump up, it is something that comes because you see how futile it is to continue trying to be something or not trying to be something.

Some people try to always be right, some people try never to be rude.  Some people try and be cool, other people try and never be wrong.  This is all ego and genuine self-esteem can never come
through rearranging, pumping up or resisting the ego.

Self-Appreciation

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How You Build Self-Appreciation

Self-appreciation is easily achieved with a shift in the way you think of life. We each have our own unique talents and aptitudes. Some people’s talents are seen on the world stage, many more are only ever seen by one or two.

Here are four ways to see things differently in order to begin the upward cycle of self-appreciation.

1. Drop the comparison with other people’s skills, talents and gifts.

Often we sort of assume by default that everyone is born with same potential and same internal resources and talents. This is obviously not so.

If ever you have done some reading on astrology you will quickly accept that everybody has their own particular make-up of skills, interests and talents. The key is to find out what yours are and use them in a committed way.

2. Discover, own, embrace and express your particular, unique talents.

Some people are natural leaders, some are natural support people, some are great with kids, some bake and their food naturally tastes amazing, some people have deep compassion and caring. The above is just a small sample of the gifts each person could naturally possess. Start a journey to find out exactly what your unique gifts are, then use them, love them and don’t deny the world their expression. Your self-appreciation will then have an opportunity to be felt.

3. Think about yourself as completing some part of the whole.

As I said above some people naturally end up as world leaders, some as world entertainers, yet others as kings and queens. Likewise some people have a natural affinity and talent at making small bracelets that children love and yet others just naturally know how to make people feel comforted, while others write in a way that words flow and leap from the page.

Do you think it is a mistake that you make amazing baking that people love, but others are doing more worthwhile things? What I mean by that is be true to you. If you love baking and feel fulfilled by it then do it and love that talent within. To make this whole world go around we need people of all talents and aptitudes. The secret is to discover what yours are, use them, nourish these talents and use them to help others is some way. This will begin the upward self-appreciation cycle and get you closer to your true self.

4. Have a look at where you naturally spend your time, energy and money.

In order to discover your particular, unique talents have a look at where you already spend your spare time. Some people might say have a look at what you daydream about as an indicator of what your interests might be. This is misleading in my opinion because the imagination and dreaming could be coming from a place of a fantasy or it will be a thought that something would be nice for you to do.

What is more real is what you actually do now. I spend spare time reading and learning about ancient wisdom and related topics. I go to bookstores and libraries if I have a few spare hours and I feel at home and fulfilled doing that. Because I feel that way I do it without guilt or shame or what others might think of it. I don’t compare myself to those who go kite-boarding or surfing when they have spare time. They have different skills and interests.

I could think of very little worse than lugging equipment down to the beach and being out in the water for more than 10 minutes.

Follow your bliss and you will discover your talents, interests and skills. Your inner harmony will become evident and you will experience greater self-appreciation.

Random Acts Of Kindness Ideas

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Random Acts Of Kindness Ideas

Here is a list of random acts of kindness ideas to inspire you.  Pick one a day or one a week and go out specifically to do this act.

Performing a deliberate act of kindness isn’t the same as a random and spontaneous act, but acts of kindness benefit everyone.  The recipient will experience it as random and that is the benefit to all.

WHO   
Animals    Environment    
People     The Divine

HOW   
Actions     Speak/Listen     Thought

WHAT  
Smile       Listen     Gesture
   Eye Contact     Touch     Ask  
  Money     Food   

The above table shows for you a comprehensive list categorising who you can show kindness towards, how you do it with your body/mind and in what way you can be kind.

Animals and the environment are at greater mercy to humans so that is why they are first.  Other people and The Divine are more self-empowered so they are listed last.

In the What row, smile is listed first because it is a moment of connection and recognition, which is the most comforting ‘thing’ you can provide to an other.

Not everything in the What row can be applied to everything in the Who row, but most of it can, for example you can’t make eye contact with the environment.

Random Acts Of Kindness Ideas

1. Smile at someone

A slight heart-felt smile even with a closed mouth does more than an intentional widening of your mouth and showing your teeth, which is not really a smile.  Also, don’t smile and wait for their reaction or hope you see some evidence of the ‘good’ you have done.  That would make your smile a trade, an exchange, not an act of kindness.

2. See someone and let them see that you see them.

This is all about eye contact proper.  Eye contact is NOT about looking at someone’s eyes.  It is about receiving what is behind another person’s eyes and getting the whole experience of them in front of you.  When you are 100% focused on their eyes and are cognizant of the ‘being’ that illuminates and operates the eyes, you have seen them and they feel that you see them.  This makes people feel very good.

3. Make a space for an animal that is theirs alone.

4. Put your hand over someone’s heart space.

This can be combined with proper eye contact (number 2 above).  This is a special kind of hug with someone who you are emotionally intimate.  It requires agreement with the other; you can’t just go up and do this to someone without them expecting it.

Stand facing each other and place your right hand over their heart – centre of chest just below collarbone is perfect.  They do the same to you and then you place your left hand on top of their hand that is on your chest.  Likewise they place their left hand holding on top of your hand that is resting on their chest.

5. Recycle rubbish.

6. Hug someone, with their permission or consent

Random acts of kindness ideas do not have to look a certain way. So long as you are doing something for the 100% benefit of something outside of yourself you are being kind.

Raise Your Self Esteem, Overcoming Low Self Esteem, BoostingSelf Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem, Ways To Improve Self Esteem

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Raise Your Self Esteem

Once you raise your self esteem, if done thoroughly, you experience life flowing.

A translation by J.H. McDonald of chapter 2 of Tao Te Ching says…

Things come her way and she does not stop them;

Things leave and she lets them go.

She has without possessing,

and acts without expectations.

When her work is done she takes no credit.

Once you begin to transcend the illusion of being an isolated, separate object and feel and know that you are not…

  • a certain way
  • separate
  • completely in control
  • doing something wrong

then it becomes pointless worrying about…

  • things that you don’t have
  • what other people think of you
  • what you should be doing

If you could pretend right now that everything that you thought to be true about your life and yourself was part of a larger plan to help you do something magnificent at a later time, would that make more sense?

If you could trust the intelligence of what has you aware of yourself, and trust that this power, force, potential, ability, creator call it what you will, is actually who you are in essence, you could let go of trying to work out with your rational mind why things happen, why things don’t happen, why this and why that.

Some people like to feel in control of their lives and they don’t have much internal turmoil.  They are probably quite content with their life experience most of the time.  If you have much internal turmoil and angst it would indicate to me that there are memories within your nervous system which have not yet been processed and let go of.

Either that or your attitude and beliefs about what life is are so far removed from reality that life is a traumatic experience for you.

What does all this have to do with boosting self esteem?  Well, self-esteem is not a thing that you develop like a muscle.  You cannot think of self esteem as a thing you have.  You cannot develop more of it specifically.

To raise your self-esteem you simply need to know the truth of what self is.  There are two selfs.  One we write with a small ‘s’ and means the ego or illusion of who you think you are.  The big ‘S’ Self means the essential, spiritual, real, authentic you.

The one you were born as, the one who is unique and unknown.  Once you turn your attention inwards to the feeling of being aware and curious about who and what that is, you start to get to know the real you, the real Self.

So in order to experience overcoming low self-esteem know the real you, the big ‘S’ Self.  The big ‘S’ Self thinks that it is pretty AMAZING.  The big ‘S’ Self loves itself and knowing that this is who you are is how you raise your self-esteem.

Paul Potts Audition, Britain’s Got Talent Paul Potts, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem

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Emotional Paul
Potts Audition

Two years before Susan Boyle came another amazing moment in TV.

This Paul Potts audition has been watched by millions on YouTube. It brings about an extraordinary emotional reaction in people.  Paul talks briefly about his lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, but as is usual when he is doing what he loves, he feels like he is a part of something bigger and that nothing is missing.  This is his spiritual awareness that singing allows him to touch.

This is the first ever Paul Potts opera performance on Britain’s Got Talent singing Nessun Dorma, and he goes on to sing Time to Say Goodbye in the next round.

UPDATE: The video has had to be removed due to not being able to secure a non-copyrighted version. I recommend you search on Youtube for Paul Potts Audition.

Since 2007 Paul Potts has been around the world promoting his albums.  It is a great example of how life can change very quickly for us as he used to sell mobile phones.  Whether it is something in the stars that finally brings us to a place I don’t know or maybe it is all about visualizing and manifesting.

Either way I believe if you follow what you are passionate about and stay in integrity you will be drawn to the circumstances that allow you to serve others in the best way you can.

Overcoming Low Self Esteem, Ways To Improve Self Esteem, Improving Your Self Esteem, Help Low Self Esteem, Enhancing Self Esteem

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Overcoming Low Self Esteem

Transforming your experience of yourself is the key to overcoming low self-esteem.  In 2007 two years after I had my first and most profound enlightenment experience I realised how I could learn more about my conditioning and programming.

Young Woman Smiling Group Of People

Unfortunately you and everyone else grew up with less than ideal influences and messages.  You are subject to the messages from your parents and teachers about what is right and wrong.  However Mum and Dad or whoever took care of you have their own unique hurt and fear and this shapes the messages you receive.

Your self-image and your ideas of what is acceptable and expected is formed from these messages and your own unique interpretations of what you experience.

Improving your self-esteem is about discovering what is true below these messages.  Who are you before you believed what your hurt Father did or said to you?  What is real below this hurt layer of beliefs?  If you were told that you are good at nothing and will never be anything in life then this becomes what you believe to be true.

I am interested in what is true in reality, not just what you believe.  These beliefs cover up what is true and unfortunately you will continue to experience these beliefs as true instead of what is actually true.

If you believe you are stupid you will interpret your actions and other people’s actions and words to align with this belief.  I may say something silly (and I do at times) but I never make it mean I am stupid.   You also may say something silly and you will feel stupid and hate yourself and feel that feeling of low self-esteem.

It is the same with any trait: ugly, boring, not good enough, mean etc, etc.  Whatever you believe to be true about yourself will be how you interact with others and how you interpret what you experience.

Mind, Mindfulness

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Mind
– You Use It

Or It Will Use You

Mind is one of those things we assume we know what we are talking about, but we never stop to admit to ourselves we have no idea what it is.

What is it? Where is it? Why should you care?

Well, chances are it is not being used by you but rather has built up a series of reactions and programs to life. Quite ironic because it has been instrumental in creating your life and then you have reactions to it as if life was happening to you from the outside randomly.

It is possible with watching and contemplating to see how your life has drawn to you opportunities to experience what you have imagined for yourself.

Probably the difficult part is seeing and acknowledging what you have imagined for yourself over and over again.

Maybe you have wanted to be a hero, wanted to be feared, not wanted anyone to hurt you, believed money is evil etc. If these imaginings and pretenses have been there without you being aware they are there, then we can say they have been unconscious.

Watching

Just like kids in a class; if you watch them and give tasks and keep them disciplined they will achieve and create. So it is with mind. Without watching and choosing what you wish to create, your mind will run afraid of the big bad world out there.

Now, this can either stay as an unconscious reaction or you can decide to watch your mind create your world and learn to choose ways that serve you better; think about things differently, take a different perspective, take no perspective even, just observe.

For example someone could raise his or her voice at you and you react by feeling small and worthless. Or you could consciously choose to take the perspective that this person has some emotional stuff that is going on inside and you just happen to be the person in front of them now.

You don’t know what childhood they had, you don’t know what fears or phobias this person is carrying around. You don’t know just how little they feel able to cope with the world and their feelings. So given all of that plus a bunch more stuff that could be going on why should you make their raised voice mean anything about you?

They raise their voice because they think themselves and the world are a certain way.

Contemplate

Man Contemplation

Of course if you do feel a reaction then that is great information to then take yourself away somewhere quietly, or that night, contemplate exactly what is it you believe about yourself and the world that caused you to react in such a way.

That reaction is your personality self, your idea of who you are keeping itself alive. If you think of yourself as gentle and never causing anyone any harm then a person with an angry voice in front of you is going to cause you to react in some way.

You might find yourself compelled to apologize just to keep the peace or find you have a lump stuck in your throat and stomach for a couple of days because ‘upsetting’ this person has that much contradicted your self-image.

Whatever it is a careful observation will see that this experience is congruent with your internal beliefs and focus. To change you need to simply see this is the case and not allow these thoughts to continue.

Be careful what you say to yourself and others also. How do you act? Do you act as if people are scary? Continue to observe your world and know that mind will either be mostly

  • uncontrolled and running without your conscious
    awareness
  • controlled and chosen by you how to behave and what to
    create in your experience
  • controlled by some other power, e.g. media, society,
    collective consciousness, a cult leader, someone you put on a pedestal
    etc.

Perspective

A change in your perspective, a change in your view of who you are and what is ‘real’ out there will open up options for you. You will be free to create a life you wish, and to think with such clarity and focus that whatever you desire consciously will be more likely to be given to you.

It is a step-by-step process to learn how you operate, what you are and then display mastery of your experience. Day by day decide what you choose, focus and know it is real for you, have faith, stop any thoughts which contradict your desires (including wanting because wanting will give you more wanting, trying will give you more trying) and see how your mind creates situations for you to then experience with your body, that which you held to be true.

Low Self-Esteem Signs, Lack Of Self-Esteem, Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

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What Are Some

Low Self-Esteem Signs?

How to spot the most common low self-esteem signs and signs of poor self-esteem.

  • Feeling apologetic for your existence
  • Feeling embarrassed to let others see you spend time
    on your-self, e.g. grooming
  • Feeling that you are a burden to others
  • Negative inner dialogue
  • Telling others about your flaws
  • Feeling unable to tell others what you want
  • Unable to have or express an opinion that differs from
    others
  • Unable to simply say ‘thankyou’ when complimented
  • Feeling ashamed to be you
  • Feeling guilty about setting boundaries with others
  • Unable to set boundaries

And some additional low self-esteem signs you may not have thought of …

  • Pretending when around others
  • Criticizing other people or making fun of stereotypes
  • Blaming others for your life situation
  • Wishing that others would change or not be as they are
  • Lack of acceptance of situations and other people
  • Acting in a certain way in an attempt to be seen by
    others as having a certain reputation

These are just a few. Be brutally honest with your-self and really watch your-self as you go about your day and notice the characteristics of a lack of self-esteem that might be in your awareness.

If you spot your-self doing any of the above then please simply witness the occurrence and don’t add judgments such as, ‘I am really bad’ or ‘I hate my-self’. Simply witness like you are a scientist observing your experience.

This is the first step in finding some low self-esteem solutions.

Signs of low self-esteem are an indicator of a lack of understanding and acceptance of your essential nature as a human being.

The good news is that is simple to address this once you know how. It is an ongoing process and each day gets better and better as you finally take control of your life and the signs of poor self-esteem drop away from your experience.

Living In Gratitude, Having An Attitude of Gratitude

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Living in Gratitude Makes

You Feel Better

Living in gratitude for your fate as it appears now is a powerful way to transform your life and shift the perspective that has been holding you back.

Here are my top four ways on how to develop gratitude.

1. Link values

The secret to getting along with yourself and others is to notice that humans will only ever do things because it is important to them on some scale. Knowing this, when you seek to understand what your most important values are you begin to understand your actions and reactions.

Likewise you can seek to understand what is important to someone else and therefore understand where their actions and reactions are coming from. Then notice how what is important to them allows you to do and be what is important to you. This will help your appreciation and thankfulness of others a bit more than you have been.

2. Hold a more sacred/divine perspective

The truth is we each don’t know how the universe works or the secrets to why we are here or how we got here. It is a mystery to us but as we grow in consciousness we get an inkling that things mustn’t be a mistake. In difficult circumstances you can always hold it that this is a test or a right of passage or some exercise in preparing you for something grander, which it will be.

3. See the opportunity to be of service to another

Being of service to others is its own reward. When you look at what work is, it is providing service to others. Having the opportunity and ability to be of service to others is something to appreciate and be grateful for. Out of all the billions of people in the world, or millions in your country or thousands in your area of town, you have the opportunity to help that certain someone. I recall a quote that was powerful for me when I heard it and it is simply ‘Help those who would dream of being where you are now’

4. Use every event to help you discover more about yourself

No matter what the conditions are that you have your attention upon it can be used to help you discover more about yourself. If you are a serious student and am naturally curious about the nature of mind and being, then you can contemplate why you feel or do things the way you do. If you find yourself reacting automatically to situations you can contemplate what you are making the condition mean about you.

Two people could experience the same condition yet their reactions will be different depending on their self-image. Remember the self-image is just a mental construct that has been created withing your imagination. It has no substance in existential reality and so you would do well to leave it behind. To do this you have to be prepared to be everything and anything without resistance or attachment. Then you will find you are living in gratitude.

The secret to personal and spiritual growth and the secret to living in gratitude is to let go of wanting to change the conditions of your life in this moment.

Instead generate gratitude, appreciation and thankfulness for this moment no matter what it brings. If you don’t feel these in a moment have a look at how you are thinking about life and swap to another perspective such as one of the ones above and you will find you have much more control over whether or not you are living in gratitude.

List of Archetypes, Carolyn Myss, Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, Spiritual

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List
of Archetypes To Help You

A list of archetypes will help you recognize your own particular tendencies and way of being.

Carolyn Myss’ books and products are recommended and so is Carol Pearson along with Jean Shinoda Bolen.

What is an archetype?

It is very important for your self-acceptance and self-esteem to understand this. Carl Jung created the term Collective Unconscious. This refers to the tendencies, predispositions, natural inclinations and way of thinking about your self and the world.

You could say these tendencies are natural and arise within you despite the cultural programming of what is good, acceptable and OK.

For example…

Is the energy and pattern that manifests as wanting power above all else. Usually found most obviously in men and Fathers who rule at home or at work with a strong belief that their way is right. For the person with an activated Zeus pattern there is no room for others to be different or have different interests and motivations than him (typically male but also can appear in women as well).

Differing to Zeus pattern in that the extent of the drive to reach the top is less strong in Apollo.
If Zeus is the King then someone with Apollo active would be a good man/woman to have beside him. Seeking approval and wanting to impress those with higher authority (or at least not let them down) he/she will support and work well in a team and be loyal.

The Hades archetype when active makes the person battle within himself to be true to himself which includes recoiling from the world into his/her reclusive inner subjective world and at the same time exist in the world that openly values and rewards the Zeus’ of this world. This archetype is one of non-conformity to what is splashed all over the televisions, magazines and movies. To Hades it seems a foreign world with all that shallowness running around trying to accumulate external things.

This archetypal pattern is the realm of instinct, emotion and feeling. While a Zeus man wouldn’t acknowledge or honor an emotion quite the opposite is true for our Poseidon activated archetype. This is the pattern of living in touch with what is felt in the body. Zeus lives in the head and plans, strives and seeks external. Poseidon however is the emotional one. Again another archetype who for men is not valued in our Western society. This archetype will find it difficult to fit in and feel fulfilled in traditional roles for men. If pushed to become a lawyer for example by a Zeus father his world will be devoid of color and taste.

This archetype when activated shows up in someone who is very much introverted and withdrawn from the outside world. Retreating to the inner world of their thoughts and creativity they are most comfortable working and creating. Especially if they have found their life’s work it will be difficult for the Hephaestus man or woman to think or do anything else. Social skills and communication don’t come naturally and this person becomes somewhat of a loner unless other archetypes develop. This is the strong, silent type who doesn’t let others know what is going on with them, nor wear their heart on their sleeve.

The Ares archetype is ruled by the here and now spontaneous reaction to feeling and impulse in the body. Ruled by the physical world he/she inhabits, very little thought or planning goes into actions. Spontaneous with the powerful characteristics that we normally associate with masculinity. A warrior and a taste for battle, able to fight and protect but perhaps struggles in other ways.

The activate Hermes archetype shows up as a smooth talking, adventurer of the world, always on the go and is able to connect quickly with new friends. Intuitively and instinctively he knows how to deceive and persuade others to do what he wishes and let them feel it was their idea. He does things his own way and has the confidence and mental agility to approach anything with confidence. Think salesman with the gift of the gab who has a girl in every port but also many male friends because he his also a man’s man.

The active Dionysus archetype shows up in life in varied and extreme ways. It is the pattern, in men especially, of not being interested in the external world of achievement, sports and what society typically values. The Dionysus archetype approaches life from a deeply internal perspective and ordinary events are valued for the experience and not the achievement. For example cooking to experience the smells and tastes and not just to satisfy hunger.