Deprecated: Function WP_Dependencies->add_data() was called with an argument that is deprecated since version 6.9.0! IE conditional comments are ignored by all supported browsers. in /home/selfhelp/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6131 admin, Author at Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem - Page 2 of 14
A virgo moon sign will have primarily the following traits. Your self-esteem and personal and spiritual growth comes primarily from you acceptance and letting go of any emotional reaction to being labeled something.
Have a look at the list and notice anything which you resist, i.e. it doesn’t fit in with your self-image or you wish it wasn’t part of you.
– Cautious
– Serious
– Logical
– Analytical
– Methodical
– Perfectionist
– Organized
– Persevering
– Quiet
– Unpretentious
– Intelligent
– Good Memory
– Honest
– Dedicated
– Loyal
– Ignore issues to keep the peace
– Plan
– Caring
– Good servants
– Like routine
Then go through all the other astrological moon signs and work your way through those also. We all posses the ability to display every trait so your sense of self-acceptance and self-esteem is dependent on you embracing all the virgo traits from this moon sign list, and all the other 11 as well.
What do we mean by Truth? Are we talking about they way you think you and the world are in each moment?
Are we talking about judgments such as it was bad to fly a plane into a building?
When we talk about Truth it is wise to begin by forgetting about everything you know and ask yourself what would be still here if I had a different life story.
It is true that you have an identity and a concept of who you are. You believe you are a certain type of person such as a good boy, or a bad, mean girl.
However, your self-image is not the truth. It is a mental construct and a whole lot of ideas that are held firmly by you.
It is quite conceivable that you could have a different life story and self-image. What would be the same between now and that alternative self image?
It would still be you right?
Doing the above exercise you might come to the conclusion that your existence and your being is a common amongst all beings or all humans.
No matter what construct of ideas you have about yourself, what remains true and certain is the awareness that you exist.
We find ourselves here with no knowing of what it is about. There is something about being here which demands surrendering to that which has us here, whatever that may be.
You only have to look out at the stars and moon and contemplate the planets and be brutally honest that you have no idea what the heck it is all about.
It will be the ego, your personality-mind, which won’t be comfortable with admitting you don’t know. You can listen to the ego and let it play its little game of ‘don’t ignore me’, ‘you need me’ or whatever else but don’t let it convince you that
1. you do know
2. you should know
3. this is not important
4. you are special
5. whatever other defense or resistance your ego will creatively come
up with
Learn to surrender to that which ‘is’.
I like to surrender in wonder and awe.
When you let go of everything you know and let the realization that you don’t know anything about existence, being, how you got here, where you go after you leave, why you are here, how the sun and moon and tides work or anything of this nature, you touch a more authentic part of you.
There is a calmness, intelligence and joy when you surrender to what is.
As I sit here and look around and watch my mind make sense of the world we have created, I can see that my mind is necessary to operate in this world as a separate self.
However, I can also see that anything I can distinguish will not exist in the fullness of time and it will exist now as it is irrespective of whether I distinguish it or not.
I can see that thoughts come and go and feelings do also. Ideas about what is important to me come and go. I let them all come and go but never attach myself emotionally to them.
What is the truth of the nature of being, of you, of what you experience or of what allows you to experience?
Often we think we need to plan and think out each moment.
Learn to give up trying to control and amazing things begin to happen. Bring awareness to how often you wish to control this moment.
Are you comfortable surrendering to the intelligence that is not the intelligence people refer to when they talk of IQ?
In the world of apparent reality – the world you observe – conditions and circumstances will be either.
to your liking
not to your liking or
you will be indifferent
Firstly, given how little you know of
what is going on
how you got here
why you are here…
don’t you think it is a little presumptuous to believe that you are completely in control of every experience of your life?
Sure you have an apparent self that includes your thoughts, beliefs, self-image and values but you also have an aspect that is far greater in real-ness. This aspect I am referring to is the commonality between all human beings. Maybe it is the commonality between all beings; all life?
Lowest Common Denominator
If you step aside from your sense of “I am my story” and move to identify with a little more awareness of the ever present lowest common denominator (or should I say highest) between all of us, you are experiencing a state of being that is more liberating.
In this state of identifying as something other than your story (for example whilst sitting meditating or in a hypnotic trance) you realize that when any human being does this we all experience the same alive-ness, life force, awareness, call it what you will.
It is an experience that doesn’t permanently remove the sense of being a separate self, but what it does do is bring more awareness to that which is greater than your-self. It is this aspect which is greater than my-self which I don’t understand with my mind, that is the focus of your spiritual surrender.
Breathing
Sit here and notice for a moment that breathing happens. Really watch and admit and acknowledge to your-self that breathing happens without ‘you’; without your story or sense of self-image doing breathing. You can choose to speed it up or make it shallower or hold it for a while but there is an intelligence or process which happens without your wishes or desires.
Something will move or change despite your desire to control; this is spiritual surrender. You might also want to include faith. Faith in the ever-present condition that you are, or appear to be a part of.
How much else that goes on is really under your control? You can, and probably do
manipulate others
emotionally blackmail others
choose to be aggressive
choose what you eat etc…
but I would encourage you to spend more time in conscious awareness of not-knowing and letting go of things needing to be a certain way for you.
Practice feeling your body and feelings the way it is and surrender. Be open and let go of wanting to define what it is or should be, just experience. Surrender to the fact that it is not even a body. We just call it a body to communicate with others. It is what it is and it will be what it is irrespective of what you call it and the interpretations and assumptions you have about a body or your body.
To change your life you need to get this in your own experience. Understanding the words and creating an idea in your mind of what it might be like to notice these things is not going to bring transformation.
Sometimes it is easy to practice spiritual surrender and comes naturally in this moment. Sometimes you will find you are strongly identified with being a separate self with your own desires and need to plan an aspect of your life. Sometimes you will sit and wonder at all you can’t control and all you don’t know.
Eventually you will move beyond identifying with either and simply abide in a place where whatever is most appropriate in each situation will arise for you and whatever will arise you will accept, have faith in and surrender.
I have found forgiveness and compassion for myself a huge help. No matter the thought or action I forgive myself and accept myself. Sometimes operating in the dualistic mind – the mind of separateness. Sometimes being still and wondering and contemplating. Whatever is there is there.
It makes a whole lot of difference to your self esteem and experience of life to practice and experience spiritual surrender to what is.
When you trust that there is some path you are on or some unforeseen unfolding to your life, you can live with more peace and purpose.
Ok so I am not so sure Billy Joel below is talking about anything more than the struggles of learning to trust in a romantic relationship, but I like the words in the context of aligning yourself with the way that brings more inner peace.
You can’t go the distance
With too much resistance
I know you have doubts
But for God’s sake don’t shut me out (Billy Joel)
It might strike you as strange if you were to become aware how often you deny this moment. It is as if you are constantly trying to improve the situation by getting somewhere other than right here and now.
I say strange because as you grow in awareness it not only seems fruitless to wish things were different, but it seems ridiculous to ever think that there is somewhere else to get or something to change.
Sure you may desire some change but that will happen when and if the circumstances are aligned with that change. You can’t make the change happen but you can sure accept and trust this moment, wherever you are.
That is what I like about the video of Jason and his story. He comes across as aligning himself with the principle that he can hold a dream or a desire but he is going to accept his life as he finds it in each moment. Not only accept it but also excel and be enthusiastic at it like he was as the team manager.
That is to say he seems to not create suffering for himself. If he desperately wanted things to be different and wanted to be a starting member of the team every week then is life would be misery wouldn’t it? He would constantly be wishing things were different than the way they were.
That doesn’t stop him from dreaming of things being different but he comes across on the video as making the distinction between what is now and what is just his wishing.
Wherever you find yourself is the place you need to fully fill before life will move you on. By that I mean completely accepting your reality and acknowledging it is that way now. Jump into your fate with both feet.
Anything else will keep you suffering and stuck.
When you let go of wanting to be somewhere else or wanting to be someone else you will experience a shift. The days of spending every waking moment wishing things were different will be replaced by peace
and appropriate action.
Who are you to say what is right and wrong or should not be happening? You don’t even know why you are here, who you are, how you got here, where you go after this life but still you try and control the way things are.
To sit back and trust that everything is as it is and to trust that which is bigger than you, which you are obviously a part of, is to align with a peaceful, humble way of life.
It is very humbling to give up control and to stop trying to change this moment with effort.
You can acknowledge this moment, identify what you would like to experience differently and then seek to change the circumstances that will allow you to experience the difference.
Seek without strain, without effort, with trust and with faith.
Even as you strive to improve some area of your life, still there remains trust and faith that all is in order.
Who are you to say things are not as they should be?
Chuck Spezzano in his book If it Hurts it isn’t Love says, “The highest level of success is something we flow with, not something that is planned. We do not control the wave when we are surfing…we go with the flow of it and to the extent we do, we become successful”.
It is about transcending the ideas you have about who you are and discovering what is real about you.
It is the wisdom to know how to live in a way that makes a difference.
It is about learning to listen and get your direction not from your mind, but from your heart and gut.
What Is Wrong With Following The Mind?
Does your mind know how you got here? Your mind is not designed to know anything about you. The mind is so very useful at many things but knowing what is right for you is not one of them.
We misunderstand what mind is. Because we rely on it so much day-by-day we give its function too much kudos, we start to believe the only way to know something is through thought.
Our mind willingly assumes the role of master in command. All the while direction for your life and your purpose is quietly screaming instructions from your torso.
Where Do These Instructions Appear?
They appear in your being. You have thoughts, you have emotions, you have mind and you also have being.
Your being is that feeling of aliveness that you can turn your attention towards. Without being/aliveness/life force your body would be a heap on the floor.
Your being is most easily felt in your torso.
Around the heart and down in the gut you feel that is really you. When you say ‘this is me’ you will accompany this statement with a touch to the chest. That statement won’t feel accurate unless you touch your heart space.
Why Do We Not Listen?
We identify as the contents of mind so if we think we are the mind of course we will only follow it.
It is easy to justify to ourself and others through rational thought and logic why we do things. It is a far less acceptable way to society and friends to say I am doing this because I feel it. Mind is given kudos and feeling is disregarded in our society.
Toltec wisdom is about the teachings which give you the courage and trust to align with your true self and surrender the mind to this greater wisdom we have within.
Why Is This Important For Personal Growth And Spiritual Growth?
Toltec teachings are about wisdom. The wisdom to follow your in-built guidance system instead of the conditioning and influence of society.
Wisdom
You see if you turn within and listen to the small voice or the gut feeling you have then you are on your own in this big world. If you do take notice of what your gut is guiding you towards then you have faith and confidence that you are being led to the right place at the right time to discover what you need to learn.
The alternative is to be influenced by those to emotions fear and greed. Have a look at how financial markets operate. There is very little rationality to them and if you have ever tried to trade on a market you will see how strong these emotions are.
So it is with your life. In the absence of something larger than you to cling to and use as your guidance system you will flit from one thing to the next, spend up large every weekend on stuff to get that short term buzz that makes you feel alive, and be at the mercy of clever marketers and advertisers.
All you will ever need to know about your life is there already. That is not saying it all becomes clear and you can see your path but if you view your life as a journey and so long as you follow your gut you will feel fulfilled and meaningful.
Why It Pays To Be Honest
Toltec teachings are also about integrity and being honest, keeping your word and expressing your truth, even if doing so upsets another person. If you continue to pretend and make up who you are instead of outstretching your arms and saying to the universe, ‘this is who I am right in this moment now, take it or leave it’, then you are splitting yourself and abandoning who you are.
Take Responsibility
The quickest way I have found to transform and grow in consciousness is to take responsibility for everything that you perceive or think. Anything that happens within your experience of life is your responsibility. It is difficult to prove that childhood abuse or being a victim of a violent incident is your responsibility but the irony is that if you do think about these things in such a way you then grow past these events and your life improves.
I am not saying you caused these things to happen but rather responsibility implies they took place for some reason, even if you don’t know what the reason was.
The Shadow Effect is a movie creation from Debbie Ford released in 2009. Along similar lines to the movie The Secret, the movie has known and lesser know individuals speaking about the shadow.
As with any piece of work; a book, movie, essay or poem, it speaks to you where you are at in your understanding.
For someone new to understanding the shadow it will provide some curiosity and intrigue to know more about this important aspect of our-selves.
It does a great job at explaining how the shadow is formed, why the shadow is formed and the resulting effect the shadow has on our lives as we mature.
With some clear examples of well-known and lesser well-known stories of famous and supposedly respected figures in our society acting out their shadow selves – including Michael Jackson – you get to see just what effect the shadow has on our lives.
The Shadow Effect delves deep enough for an audience new to the work and certainly will provide most people with some new awareness of why they behave the way they do and what they can do about it.
However, for me the movie doesn’t go into any techniques with which to own and embrace the shadow.
Time and time again the viewer is told how the shadow-self behaves, how to spot it in your own experience but throughout the whole movie I was left hanging for some explanation of specific techniques to own the shadow.
This is not so much for my benefit but I wonder how viewers new to this work would leave the movie wondering how to go about this work.
I guess it is an age old marketing technique to let people know they have a problem and then provide the solution. I don’t begrudge Debbie Ford this and I have no idea whether it was planned that way or not, however there were many clips of her running her workshop so perhaps there was a subtle advertisement in there.
Nevertheless I applaud Debbie for making this movie in an attempt to broaden awareness of the shadow.
It is important and life changing work. Wherever you are in your awareness this movie will open up some level of awareness.
If you have even a slight interest in personal responsibility for your experience of yourself and life, this movie The Shadow Effect will help.
Watching the movie a few times combined with reading this website and other resources will have your shadow-self owned and your self-esteem changing quickly.
The secret law of attraction is not so much as a secret as it is a universal law that brings to you the opportunities to experience externally what is in alignment with your attitudes and beliefs.
Having the law of attraction explained to you is not going to change anything within your life. The beauty is that once you accept the law of attraction is as real as the law of gravity you can learn from some law of attraction tips below.
If you don’t accept this law being universal then it will still operate, but you will not be able to see the correlation between your attitudes and your experiences. You will have no room for growth or to understand who you are.
Stated briefly the secret law of attraction is a phenomena of nature which gives human beings the ability to manifest what they choose. In order to see this in operation you need to reflect inwards into what beliefs and attitudes you have about yourself, other people and the world.
You will see that you have an idea about the way you are, and the way you interact with the world.
The law of attraction tips here are designed to get you to see that it is possible for you to choose attitudes that serve you better. Firstly, the best attitudes to receive the good things in life that you have spent your lifetime preferring are…
– radical acceptance that what ever comes your way is not a mistake
– faith that there is such a law of attraction and that you are not separate and alone in a big universe
– expectation that good things will happen to you
Combine this with watching your behaviour and thoughts, and replacing them with ones that are aligned with what you want to experience will bring better and better experiences.
For example, if you currently go to the supermarket and buy food based on what is on special, or what is cheapest, then the attitude you are sending out is “I don’t have enough money to buy what I need’.
I have found the best way to bring good things into my life is to choose how I want to Be and then ‘turn it over’ or consecrate it to a higher power. This does two things
1. begins attracting to me the opportunities and circumstances that are aligned with how I chose to Be, e.g healthy and wealthy
2. removes any resistance or worry or seeking without finding from my experience.
Number two is important because it is only through non-resistance to what currently is that what you want can come. In other words, if you continue to feel the absence of what you want, and you continue to focus on the lack then you will continue to experience the lack.
I find this easier and more powerful than trying to decide what I want to have, or what I want to do and then using law of attraction to bring those into my life. What you want to have or do can change with the seasons or change at the going down of the sun. We all want to Be a certain way, e.g. healthy, strong, playful, fun loving, wealthy, so…
– focus more and more on those moments that you currently have
– affirm to yourself how you want to Be, e.g. I am happy, I am playful, I am healthy etc
– make images up and play them over and over again imagining you are there now
The secret law of attraction has come to prominence since 2006/07 after the release of the movie called The Secret. Even if you are not into wealth accumulation or have no great desire to consciously apply it as above know that it will still be operating either unconsciously or you will be subject to the attitudes and beliefs of the masses, in other words the collective.
Excerpts from The Invitation Oriah Mountain Dreamer returned home from a typical social gathering, a party and felt frustrated at the superficial connections and posturing that is socially expected at such events. She put pen to paper and produced a poem that quickly spread world-wide.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
Who you really are as a conscious individual is inspired by the feeling deep within. It is sacred. It is given to you to be expressed through you. When you talk from the eyes up you are just making it up as best you can.
Your head has no idea what you are meant to be doing with your life. Maybe your heart hasn’t revealed it all either, but it will reveal the next step, even if the next step is ‘be patient and do nothing’.
I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
One way we try and control our lives, which are not controllable, is to decide how we want to feel or should feel. We don’t get taught how to understand and approach feelings when growing up. We instead think that distraction and avoidance is a solution and we carry on through adulthood the same way.
To sit and surrender and not wish anything away is healing, forever. You clear the past and are then free to discover more of your heart’s longing.
let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.
Ahh the curse of social conditioning. The unwillingness to feel the ups and downs. The belief that something bad will follow something good. It doesn’t. Something bad will follow a misplaced attitude, cockiness, pumping your-self up, taking all the credit but good fortune and joy can be there without fear, shame or guilt.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
People don’t care half as much about what you do as you think. Sure they will care about your happiness and well-being to greater or lesser degree, but if you make a change in your life, people won’t care for longer than about 6 hours before something else more important grabs their attention.
Sure there might be short-term disappointment but love is wanting what another wants for themselves. If they are not supportive they are acting out of their own fears and selfish wishes, even if they convince themselves it is for love.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Some people are designed to thrive in the company of others and to enjoy being around people so don’t think that if you prefer to not be alone there is something wrong. However there is a difference
between this and disliking yourself and trying to distract yourself. If you do need to spend time alone, are you OK with it or are you running from all that you are?
Due to copyright restrictions I have only reproduced a small section of the most relevant parts of the poem The Invitation Oriah Mountain Dreamer. These are the sections most relevant to the theme of this website.
The importance of being honest cannot be over-stated. Being grateful is a very powerful spiritual growth attitude but wise people also know being honest is extremely powerful.
It is extraordinary how much we lie. Being honest and displaying honesty is something that we somehow hold as scary. We lie to others and to ourselves.
We don’t always set out and plan this but if you investigated and watched your-self you will see you hardly ever tell it like it is for you.
Why are you afraid to let others know what is there for you? Why is it scary to admit, even to yourself, the truth of your experience?
Here is a short video of Peter Ralston talking about the importance of being honest.
We hold it that some things are acceptable and some are not. We split the world into two sections and are OK about revealing an idea, emotion, belief or desire that we are fairly confident will be agreed with or acceptable.
However, when it comes to being honest about something that is in our experience that may bring shame or isolation, we quickly make that not OK.
All this to uphold the persona and image you mistakenly believe you are and most importantly keep that image loved or try to ensure you are loved.
You learned to withhold honesty and it carries on today. The importance of being honest is not obvious. What do you think that does to your sense of self and being OK knowing deep down that you have to lie?
Enlightenment Intensive
Charles Berner created the Enlightenment Intensive, which has been successful and popular since the 1960’s amongst people seeking a direct experience of their true nature.
His technique is a retreat, typically three days where the majority of waking hours are sat opposite another person, communicating to them the honest truth of what is there for you now in this moment.
It is a rare chance to communicate what is there for you, now, in this moment, arising in your awareness. This is powerful.
It is powerful because for one it is a safe and validating experience. The partner is not to give feedback, no nods or utterances or facial gestures, just plain listening and being present for the one speaking.
John Powell in his book Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? says ‘Honesty about our emotions, understanding of the roles we adopt to defend the fragile ego, recognition of the games we play with each
other to avoid love – these are the first steps towards a new and richer life.’
The importance of being honest is because through honesty you become more integrated and accepting of yourself. Then, depending on your level of commitment and desire to know the truth, through contemplation
and meditation it can lead you to some profound realizations about the nature of being human.
John Powell again ‘I am afraid to tell you who I am because, if I do, you may not like me.’
Be honest primarily with yourself.
A powerful first step is to resolve to understand yourself and the roles, games and manipulations you employ to keep others liking you.
Even when you do these manipulations, do them with full impartial awareness. Watch yourself do them and just notice. Then at least you are realizing the importance of being honest with your-self.
Don’t put extra guilt and shame on top, just watch like a scientist observing the way your world works.
Bring ever-increasing awareness and honesty to your life and practice being honest.
It all starts with honesty, perhaps even before this is admitting responsibility for everything in your experience of life.
However, being honest and telling the truth as much as possible, no matter the discomfort or how it makes you temporarily feel, will start transforming your life rapidly. Then whenever you are not honest you will remember the importance of being honest.