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Self-Help Archives - Page 3 of 10 - Self-Help, Spirituality & Self-Esteem

Self-Help

Signs of Spiritual Awakening, Peter Ralston, Enlightenment

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Signs Of Spiritual Awakening

Are Sometimes Funny

Awakening is funny. In fact those that experience early signs of spiritual awakening often find it hilarious, and so it was with me.

I was new to the world of self help and had no concept or experience of spiritual growth. In fact ironically I booked to go on a workshop that I thought was going to make me understand more about others and how to get them to align with me. In short, I wanted more power.

So there I was flying half way around the world to attend a workshop on something I didn’t know anything about and I hadn’t even heard the name of the workshop before!

Peter Ralston was running a month-long retreat, the first week of which was entitled an Ontology Workshop, or Experience the Nature of Being

Peter started introducing me and 15 others to the possibility that what we assume is real can be challenged and seen as simply an idea held firmly by the mind.

Throughout the eight days we confronted and challenged a lot. I hated it and was counting down the hours. I didn’t hate the workshop or the teacher or the environment or theother participants but something inside felt confronted and was screaming to go. About half way through the workshop Peter quoted somebody which had a profound impact on me.

Who Am I?

He said if you can hold the question Who am I? in your awareness for three days, the same way a feather would gently sink and sway to the bottom of a lake, you will be enlightened. The last one and a half days of the workshop were to contemplate such a question.

The workshop finished and I left Texas to head for San Francisco. I continued to contemplate Who am I?. On the ride to the airport, at the airport, in the plane, at the hotel, that afternoon, that evening, right up until dropping off to sleep. As soon as I woke there the question was again, and I held it in my awareness until later that morning when the three days were up. Nothing had changed and nothing happened. Oh well, I will just have to try again some other time. Maybe this is more difficult than I thought.

But I do remember reading about Peter’s experience. He held the question for three days and then let the question go and carried on with his life. That is when he got the direct experience of reality. So, remembering that, I happily let go and enjoyed my week in that great city San Francisco. At the end of the week I was heading to Napa Valley, California for another eight-day retreat. This was just as intense and challenging as Peter’s workshop but in a different way. If we weren’t crying we were laughing for eight days straight as we challenged our childhood patterns and beliefs.

The second-to-last morning we were doing a very intense exercise involving confronting everything that we were frustrated, angry and annoyed with about ourselves. This was a dark-side confrontation letting loose with mallets and cushions and a lot of yelling, swearing and intensity. Then suddenly without warning, maybe half way through this 40 minute exercise I changed from bashing to giggling and laughing.

I was awakening. This was one of the very definite signs of spiritual awakening. I was aware of who I am. The one that I thought I was split into two so to speak. The one I always thought I was was still there but now there was another me; the real me. It was hilarious.

How could I have been so blind? How could I have been fooled into thinking I was my inner voice? My story? So this is what awakening is! After a few minutes of laughing while everyone else was still swearing and bashing, I suddenly had the urge to take out the frustration at being tricked.

I gladly resumed bashing but this time I was empowered. I knew I could never suffer again. Nothing had quite the same importance, nothing meant so much about me, I had less to defend. I could simply be who I was and be OK.

Shadow Work, Dr John Demartini, How To Heal Your Shadow

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Shadow Work

Shadow work is counter intuitive because it asks you to love the parts of yourself that you would rather not be there, but as you will read below that is where the power is.

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Demartini Method

Dr John Demartini created The Demartini Method. It is one of the most powerful ways to improve self-esteem that I know of.  The crux of The Demartini Method and The Breakthrough Experience is shadow-work as coined by Carl Jung the great psychologist… Read More

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Discover Gold In The Shadow And Change Your Life

The gold in the shadow can be understood by seeing that just as we protect our sense of self by denying that we possess ‘bad’ qualities, we also do not fully acknowledge that we… Read More

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The Shadow Effect Movie

The Shadow Effect is a movie creation from Debbie Ford released in 2009. Along similar lines to the movie The Secret, the movie has known and lesser know individuals speaking about the shadow. As with any piece of work; a book, movie, essay or poem, it speaks to you… Read More

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Healing Your Shadow Improves Your Life

Healing the shadow is probably the quickest, easiest and most powerful way to increase self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-love. The shadow is a term coined by famous Swiss psychologist Carl Jung. Jung coined the term ‘shadow-self’ to make a distinction between… Read More

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Psychological Projection

What is psychological projection?  Who you think you are; your self-image, ego or id as Sigmund Freud called it is OK with being some things but not OK with being others.  The ego ‘breathes’ by virtue of believing you are an object that is separate from the rest of the world.  In actual fact you are not separate, you are not an object and you are not one particular way… Read More

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What Is The Human Shadow?

Every human being has an idea of what sort of person they are. The human shadow is everything that does not exist within your accepted self image. In reality a human being seems to be a potential to be anything at any time rather than one fixed way. Therefore your self image keeps you trapped… Read More

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Why Is Shadow Work Powerful?

Shadow work derived from the famous Swiss psychologist Carl Jung who coined the term shadow to refer to the parts of the psyche that we are unconscious of.  Anything that is unconscious seemingly has more influence in our lives than that we do consciously.

In this respect you can think of the patterns and agenda of the unconscious like a robot in that they run automatically.  This is good for essential bodily functions like breathing for example but not great for psychological functions such as… Read More

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Own Your Shadow-Self To Improve Your Life

The shadow-self is a very important aspect of your experience of yourself and life. I am going to explain to you in basic terms the crux of the shadow-self and hopefully you will see clearly why it is such a determining factor of your self-esteem. You will no doubt notice that you have a self-image. This is undeniable and this self-image is a construction within your mind of how you are. Because it is so obvious and so familiar and seemingly so real we live life as if… Read More

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Ego Defense: Shadow Projection

Shadow projection is the way in which you can easily spot what human traits are in your shadow.

Your shadow self is that which is unconscious. As we are complete in our potential experience, anything which we deny as being part of us becomes unconscious. What the ego (self-image) does is… Read More

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List Of Archetypes

What is an archetype?  It is very important for your self-acceptance and self-esteem to understand this. Carl Jung created the term Collective Unconscious.  This refers to the tendencies, predispositions, natural inclinations and way of thinking about your self and the world.  You could say these tendencies are natural and arise within you despite the cultural programming of what is good, acceptable and OK. For example… Read More

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Shadow Work, Shadow Projection, Human Shadow, Healing The Shadow, The Shadow Effect

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Why Shadow Work Is Powerful

Who Coined The Term Shadow?

Shadow work derived from the famous Swiss psychologist Carl Jung who
coined the term shadow to refer to the parts of the psyche that we are
unconscious
of.  Anything that is unconscious seemingly has more influence in
our lives than that we do consciously.
In this respect you can think of the patterns and agenda of the
unconscious like a robot in that they run automatically.  This is
good for essential bodily functions like breathing for example but not
great for psychological functions such as trying to accept old hurt or
trying to get your parent’s approval.  These will not stop no
matter how much time has passed.

Why Do Things Run Unconsciously?

For several reasons things run unconsciously, be it because you
experienced something that you were not able to process at the time or
be it just because in our society the external world is more
distracting and attractive than the internal world for most people.

If something is conscious to us we have out impartial awareness upon
it.  As we do this for longer periods of time such as in contemplation more and more
of what is taking place automatically becomes obvious to us.  Then
we can choose to change it.

Unfortunately we don’t seem to widely realise that what is within
affects what we experience without.

What Does This Have To Do With Shadow Work?

Shadow work is extremely powerful and changes things in your experience
of life quickly. 
What people notice when they do shadow work is inner peace and a
quietening of what some people call the inner critic or the
judge.  You experience less contraction away from other people,
less irritation and less wishing other people would change.

What this requires is self-reflection and higher consciousness of what
is taking place within your experience.  If there is something
about a person that irritates you or something that makes you feel they
are superior then what is
actually happening is you
are projecting onto this other
person something that you have not accepted about yourself.

What If The Other Person Really Is That Way?

There are a couple of ways of looking at this.  You could hold it
that these people are coming into your life and showing up as they do
because you have this unconscious, unaccepted trait.  Or you could
completely own that you create this person in your reality.  Or
you could accept that maybe this person is really like this but your
irritation is all your doing.

For example in an ideal world you would completely accept and love in a
compassionate way even the most despicable character.  Any trait
about
this despicable character that you have a body felt hatred or dislike
of is your shadow.

By this I mean that person does not automatically come pre-packaged
with these feelings that you experience.  They just are as they
are.  Whatever you feel or interpret this person to be is your
doing.  You won’t be doing this automatically as a thought out
process but it will be automatically occurring unconsciously. 
This
is your shadow self being projected
outwards and therefore holds huge clues to your self discovery,
personal and spiritual growth.

What is required is for you to look within your life and potential life
and completely accept that this trait is a reality or a possibility
within your life.  This is what we mean by healing the shadow.

To learn more about shadow work read about The Shadow Effect movie by Debbie
Ford.

Shadow Self, Shadow Work, Shadow Projection, Human Shadow, Healing The Shadow

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Own Your Shadow-Self

To Improve Your Life

The shadow-self is a very important aspect of your experience of yourself and life. I am going to explain to you in basic terms the crux of the shadow-self and hopefully you will see clearly why it is such a determining factor of your self-esteem.

You will no doubt notice that you have a self-image. This is undeniable and this self-image is a construction within your mind of how you are. Because it is so obvious and so familiar and seemingly so real we live life as if we really are that way.

Think back to childhood or even imagine yourself growing up and the pressure to conform to particular ways of being was persistent, sometimes explicit, sometimes subtle but always immense. You quickly learned what was acceptable and what was to be never heard or seen in your household and society.

The problem is that these traits which you learned were never to be seen or heard don’t actually go away. How can they? Where would they go? They have nowhere to go and I will talk more about that in depth in other pages. So as they can’t disappear, in order for you to have them appear to have disappeared you shove them out of conscious awareness.

Cue the self-image and its opposite the shadow-self.

So what you end up with is a whole lot of traits and characteristics that are acceptable to Mum, Dad, society, teachers and you in one mental construct called the self-image and everything that is not OK is said to be in your shadow.

Why Is This Important?

This is important for your self-esteem and experience of life because you can try really, really hard to feel better by swapping some of the self-image traits around, making some more prominent, working to improve some and working to have more people see certain traits or whatever.

However, at the end of the day the self-image is just a made up idea. It still has no basis in absolute reality as the conscious being you are. You can swap and change and tinker with the self-image all you like, and some people do for their whole miserable life.

You will never experience self-acceptance, self-love and self-esteem until you finally turn and face all those traits you shut away in the shadow-self, acknowledge them, embrace them, welcome them, make it OK that they are there, see the benefit of them being there, love them and accept them.

Shadow Projection, Shadow Work, Human Shadow, Healing The Shadow, The Shadow Effect

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Ego Defense: Shadow Projection

Shadow projection is the way in which you can easily spot what human
traits are in your shadow. Your shadow self is that which is unconscious.  As we are complete in our potential experience, anything which we deny as being part of us becomes unconscious.

What the ego (self-image) does is project these unconscious traits out onto the world including specific people you come across.

This is all the work of the brilliant psychologist Carl Jung who coined the term the shadow.  Why this is cool is that you can use this knowledge to be vigilant and responsible for ALL that you experience, including they way you experience other people.

Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung

What the ego seems to do is take anything that we learned not to be, such as rude and mean, and project that out onto someone or the world as a whole.  Anything that is repressed within does not go away.  The trick is to see and accept exactly where it is coming from rather than where it appears to be coming from.

If you don’t accept that a part of your potential and experience is being rude then someone or a group of people will be burdened with your shadow projection of this rude trait.

It happens all ways.  It is tricky to see and even trickier to remember when we are faced with another individual who grates against us.

If someone is annoying to you or you think you are so much better than them or so much inferior then the challenge is for you to contemplate what is it that you are projecting onto them.

What word would you use to describe them that perfectly fits why you have this contraction away from them.  Ordinarily in a perfect world you would accept everyone as they are and experience peace in
their presence.   If you are not then there is something about YOU causing you to experience this absence of peace.  Once you have this word that describes what it is about them you dislike or like then you go within and recall situations where you have been that trait.

This is no time for further ego defense but rather brutal honesty.  The type of honesty that comes from impartial watching.  Just as if you were a scientist observing the data you observe yourself and accept that in the past there have been one or two times when you have done the same thing, or, accept that given a certain set of circumstances you would behave the same as the person who is the subject of your projection.

Rather than being a certain, fixed, object it might be better to think of yourself as potential.  Given your environment and your influences you have the potential to be anything from a thief and murderer to the holiest saint.  You are not one way.  You are not an object that is called Jane, Julie or Dave.  This is why you need to accept everything about yourself and everything that you could imagine ANY human being doing.

Each time you move a potential trait from the darkness (unconscious denial) to the light (conscious acceptance) it removes the need for the ego to project this trait onto anyone else and this is the process of healing the shadow.  This allows you to experience more peace inside and out.

Shadow projection seems to be a strategy by the ego to maintain the illusion of being a certain way.  It probably does this because you have no awareness of being connected to the whole being that you are.

The Separate Illusion

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The Illusion Of Being Separate

One massive assumption we make while living this separate life is to assume we are over here and all that is over there.

Being separate, or at least living like you are, is lonely and difficult. The alternative is to notice some assumptions and ways of seeing the world which perhaps are a bit more real.

What do I mean? Well, for starters have a look around and try and find something in the world that you perceive which is not in your awareness.

Pretty silly statement but if you look and notice that your world and the objects in it including other people are experienced within your perception, then it might change the way you think of yourself and your world.

We assume we are separate and exclusive and the world is happening completely outside of us.

The habit of pretending that there really is a tree over there and it is very green and tall will be automatic and beyond your conscious control in each moment.

A baby wouldn’t look at the tree and call it a tree and green and tall. A baby might not think anything. A baby probably just notices and doesn’t make the distinction of me here and tree over there separate.

However, learning these labels and sounds doesn’t change what is actually there. The labels don’t make it a tall, green tree. It just is as it is.

What use is this? What use is it to challenge the notion that you are
separate?

Well for starters it is the truth. The truth doesn’t need to be of any use, it doesn’t care, it just is.  Sort of like saying what use is it to be aware of gravity.

Secondly, seeing the world in this way brings a unity where you and the tree are together. 

Sure when you stand and look it still appears as if that tree is over there and it certainly seems to hold a location that is different to you, but you can let it be what it is before it is labeled tree.

Likewise, other human beings are just as they are in each moment.

Whenever you label someone, judge them or mentally hold them in some way other than as another conscious being, aren’t you the one adding all that extra stuff to them?

What if you looked at the body and the life that moves the body and saw fundamentally that is all that is there? You might find a together-ness that you have never felt before. You might find you feel part of something bigger and more awesome than you originally thought.

Sit alone and watch any life form. In the past I would wish seagulls would go away, now I sit and watch and just let them be seagulls. Flies are just being flies, cockroaches are just being cockroaches.
Although, that doesn’t mean you won’t protect your survival needs around them by defending your food, water, shelter or body but apart from that you can work to drop the extra stuff you place on top of just noticing them.

More importantly for us is to learn to do this with others. This is more difficult as the pull to be a me and you be a you is strong when we are interacting.

Practice seeing the Being and be curious about their experience as you listen. See if you can see how much you are assuming when you look out your eyes at the world.

With people you know well you will drop into an assumption about them based on how they have been for you in the past. With people you don’t know you will drop into an assumption about them based on your prejudices and projections.

Let go, surrender, notice that they exist within your experience and let them be them.

We have a strong tendency to hold ourselves as separate and exclusive. Seeing the world play out within and watching from the space you create will make you and others feel connected and part of the whole event of life.

Self-Help, Personal Growth Tools

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Self-Help And Personal Growth Tools

Do you sit there and search for answers to help yourself? Do you think you are into self-help but deep down wish or wait for someone to save you, help you or make you better?

Do you fantasise about becoming rich, fit, funny or popular and think you will feel better then?

Helping yourself is about going inwards to discover what is true.

There is the truth of the way ‘It’ is which is more in the domain of spirituality, and then there is your truth that is more in the domain of self-help.

There is the truth of you as a seemingly separate object we call a person – your experience of life; your emotional truth, your perceptions and interpretations and ideas of the way you and the world are.

The Open Secret

And the secret of self-help is to start with being brutally honest about what is true for you in each moment.

If you are angry or sad or worried then let it be OK that you are having this experience. All experiences are valid, there are no right or wrong experiences. 

If there is something there in your experience then it is there, end of story.

Human beings get into trouble and cause suffering for themselves by denial and resistance.  Denial of what is there.  How silly when you think about it.  Denying what is actually there, resisting what is actually there.

When you become aware and more conscious you will see just how often you feel the impulse to lie.

You lie to yourself and this is usually not overly obvious to you. You act incongruent with your feelings and you think it is the proper thing to do.

Sometimes it is obvious and you make it OK for you to lie and perform. 

You often pretend.  You know you pretend.  You put on a performance to fit in a crowd or maintain a self-image.  Then afterward you head home and feel deep down that there must be something wrong with you if you have to pretend.

You have made yourself not OK enough because you had to pretend.

Your experience in this moment is valid! It is just as valid as the most popular person in the room. It is as valid as the most powerful person.

Your experience; your feelings and your thoughts are valid. This may not be the first choice preferred experience and given a choice you might choose something else, but the ‘part’ of you that would choose another experience is not going about this in the best way.

Have you ever stopped to notice there is a ‘you-part’ that wants another ‘you-part’ to go away or change?

For you to want to change there must be a split going on. One part of you is judging the other part as not good enough.

So What Is Self-Help?

Self-help for me is first of all becoming honest. Always be as congruent in your whole being as you can. Now, there are certain social and cultural norms and manners that dictate that we should not always speak our mind and pretend to be polite and courteous and put on a brave face. This is OK but I am really talking about YOUR emotional orientation to your feelings and experience.

As you sit there feeling ungrateful or ignored or abandoned are you OK with feeling these as a valid human experience?  Or, as you pretend to be gracious and confident are you silently stacking guilt and shame on top of the feelings of ungratefulness?

Why not just be honest in your emotional orientation to these feelings and say internally, ‘I am having these feelings and it is a valid experience?’

Maybe tomorrow, or if you are aware in that moment, you can get some insight into why those feelings are there and work to understand and release them.  However, the main point is to first be completely honest and acknowledge that what is there for you is there and is valid.

Remove denial and resistance from your tool box and learn to live freely. Part of this is the awareness to be responsible for your experience. I don’t suggest you chose these feelings and I don’t suggest you have done something wrong (which creates guilt) or you are something fundamentally bad (which creates shame) but you do need to recognise the truth.

The truth is that this experience in this moment is happening in your awareness. It is your experience, don’t blame others. It is happening now inside you!

Someone could call me and you ugly. I will not register any emotion. You might be devastated and sulk for two days. Whose responsibility is it for your devastation? You won’t have chosen to feel devastated but nevertheless that experience is there.  And it has all happened in your awareness and experience.

The hearing of the words, the interpretation and the emotional reaction has all happened inside you and so that is your responsibility. The external condition or occurrence did not come pre-packaged with these feelings you are experiencing.  How could they, they have not even changed my emotional state?

What remains is for you to notice your experience, take responsibility for feeling this way and don’t pass judgment over whether it is right or wrong to feel this way.

For one, the feeling will pass in a much shorter time frame and two, you will be more aware of why you reacted this way. Then, through many self-help techniques you can begin to remove the reason you reacted this way.

Your feelings are your teachers to help you learn about yourself. Your feelings will direct you to higher consciousness and inner peace if you accept and listen to them.  When this happens you welcome feelings.

Feelings are welcome because I use them to self-help me. I clear away more false ideas I have about the world and me.

As you remove the false ideas, simply be here now and welcome your experience, your inner peace grows, your self-esteem grows, you become more effective and happier and you return to feeling part of the world
and not a part separate in the world.

This is self-help for me.

Related Pages…

The Secret Law Of Attraction

The secret law of attraction is not so much as a secret as it is a universal law that brings to you the opportunities to experience externally what is in alignment with your attitudes and beliefs.

Having the law of attraction explained to you is not going to change anything within your life.  The beauty is that once you accept the law of attraction is as real as the law of gravity… Read More

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Prosperity Affirmations & Others

If you are searching for prosperity affirmations, or affirmations for self-esteem, weight loss, happiness or abundance, then what follows is the easy way to understand what you need to do, and it is much easier than I used to think.

When I attended John Assaraf’s weekend seminar at his beautiful Californian home in 2004 (before he went big into larger audiences, coaching and The Secret) I remember feeling frustrated because what I
wanted to achieve or have kept … Read More

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Self-Appreciation

Self-appreciation is easily achieved with a shift in the way you think of life. We each have our own unique talents and aptitudes. Some people’s talents are seen on the world stage, many more are only ever seen by one or two.  Here are four ways to see things differently in order to begin the
upward cycle of self-appreciation… Read More

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Developing Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is the key to self-help and overcoming poor self-esteem.  Any spiritual or self-help book worth reading will probably only make only two points important… Read More

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Your Body’s Dantien

Have you heard of dantien? How would you like to be more grounded and centred, even as you are
walking around and going about your day?  If you have meditated or practiced relaxation you will be familiar with the inner peace and calmness you experience after a session… Read More

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Gratitude Prayer

A gratitude prayer doesn’t have to be recited lines of verbal sounds coming out your mouth once a day.
A more powerful and authentic way to ‘ask’ is by feeling gratitude now… Read More

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Self-Empowerment

Here are four ways to self-empowerment. The best and easiest personal self-help exercises that I use every day and have helped transform my life are below.  None of these exercises are a quick fix forever. You become a product… Read More

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Acts Of Randon Kindness

Acts of random kindness by you have an amazing power to transform how you feel and to help low self-esteem.  You might wonder, ‘how does an action so self-less have the power to make YOU, the one doing the kindness, feel good’?  It seems counter-intuitive doesn’t it?  After all you are not receiving the kindness from others but… Read More

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Fear Public Speaking

If you fear public speaking, sure things may get better after you have done a number of speeches but if you want to actually transform yourself and your life so that the excessive nerves don’t come here are some tips… Read More

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Living In Gratitude

Living in gratitude for your fate as it appears now is a powerful way to transform your life and shift the perspective that has been holding you back…Read Four Ways Here

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How To Be Humble

Asking how to be humble is a good question.  However the answer is in the question.  In order to be humble, just be humble.  Perhaps a more relevant question is what is humbleness or what is the definition of humble.  Humble is acknowledging that anything you have or are is not really down to ‘you’… Read More

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EFT Technique

The EFT technique is a simple self-help routine anyone can do at home and is having results where nothing else has helped.  It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.  It is also casually known as Tapping, due to the action of tapping on several acupressure points on your body… Read More

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Authentic Happiness

If you are lost, life is hopeless, pointless and without authentic happiness then this website is for you. Or maybe you just want more inner peace and contentment or a realization of the truth?

I know how you might be feeling. Do you have a bookshelf full of self-help materials? Self esteem low? Have an idea about your spirituality? Maybe you are searching for the umpteenth time… Read More

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Do You Care What People Think?

Firstly, you care what people think because you have a made-up identity.  This identity is not absolute it is just a whole lot of ideas about who you are and what image you like to portray to the world.  This is the secret to letting go of placing so much importance on what others think of you… Read More

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Mind

Mind is one of those things we assume we know what we are talking about, but we never stop to admit to ourselves we have no idea what it is.

What is it? Where is it? Why should you care?.. Read More

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Personal Responsibility For Your Life

Personal responsibility for your life and what you experience is critical.  It is one of life’s paradoxes that we think if we don’t take responsibility, and blame others instead, we will feel better or suffer less… Read More

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Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is a very powerful self-help principle to practice in your
life. Great inner peace and contentment comes when you know this way of thinking about life and you may find it a way of boosting self-esteem… Read More

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Self Hatred, Self Loathing, Ways To Improve Self Esteem

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How To Deal With Self Hatred

Self-hatred you may have noticed can’t be improved by anything you have.  For example many people who seem to have an easy time and have a reasonable life still feel empty and shallow.  The mind tells them it must be because they are not rich enough, or because they don’t have a big screen TV.

So it is the same with having a nice body, or a boy/girlfriend, or a house, or a job. These things can help you feel like you belong and feel you are similar to everyone else who is normal, but the feeling will fade quickly, within days usually.

To the unaware mind this can be confusing and frustrating because it perpetuates the feeling that something seriously is wrong with you, you can never fill this void within.

What You Can Do

Eating whole foods in regular light meals and cutting out/down the four addictions alcohol, sugar, cigarettes and caffeine will help you feel better.  People really misunderstand just how closely linked food/diet is with feeling/mood.

Be clear in your mind that nothing you can posses or perceive has the power to make you experience self-appreciation, self-love or is a way to improve your self-esteem permanently.

You might be able to hide behind the achievements in your life, but eventually you will realise feeling OK is not about what you achieve it is about knowing more and more about what is really going on on this planet; where you fit in and why you are here with all the rest of us playing your part.

Completely forget that success equals getting a house or boy/girlfriend or having a certain career.  This is all rubbish and is ONLY what society tells us is success.  From the outside looking in I don’t have any outward signs of success yet I love my life. Why? Because at age 33 I met a man who showed me that the only thing worth doing in life is getting below all the programming from my parents and schooling and pursuing the truth about what life really is.

Why Are Some People Spiritual?

Have not all the masters said some version of ‘the truth shall set you free’? They were right, of course.  Free from what?  Well self-hatred and self loathing and worldly worries for one.

The only way to feel better and in my opinion the main way to improve self-esteem is to come to know who you are in reality. To transcend the illusion of the ego and day-by-day get back to who you were born to be and not who western society turned you into, which is a scared, separate, isolated ego which can only experience self-hatred.

All of what I say probably has not made you feel any better nor maybe even provided a solution but it is always possible it might awaken some deep truth within you and you can move away from self hatred.  Maybe you see that you have been taught a whole lot of junk about what is real and what is valuable in life.

By the way doing this work doesn’t mean you can’t have a house or boy/girlfriend.  Don’t think you have to sacrifice worldly pleasures, you can have both. Concentrate on self-discovery and the rest will come easily and naturally at the right time for you.

You are not broken but just suffering from being a long way from living the life you were designed to live.  You are not to blame for this it happens to all of us to various degrees.  Do not blame anyone but do take responsibility to get back to knowing who you really are and your life will turn around remarkably.

Self-Esteem, Overcoming, Signs Of Low, Quotes, Poems

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How To Build Your Self-Esteem Permanently

If you are searching the web for self-esteem you are probably coming across activities and advice like…

  • focus on your achievements
  • say your affirmations
  • be nice to yourself
  • fake it until you make it

These people mean well, but I doubt the great spiritual teachers of the past or influential psychologists of our time would answer a student’s question about self-esteem by instructing them to focus on aspects that reinforce your current experience of yourself.

I want to educate you on a simple way to work on your life that is hugely rewarding, meaningful, simple and transformational.

First I want to talk a bit more about how you got in this predicament in the first place.

Paradox

There is a paradox that to think you have to do something to change yourself means you are missing something; are not quite complete as the unique, one-of-a-kind human being that you are.

These things that others suggest you do to feel better about yourself may cause a temporary change in your feelings; you might feel more positive, more motivated or less critical of yourself for a few minutes or a couple of hours or days depending on what is going on in your life, but has your self-esteem really changed by thinking more positively or doing some activity?  Has your experience of yourself changed in who or what you think you are?

Probably not!

As soon as YOU are back in relationship with your experience of life and another person, then YOU are going to be the same that you have always been.

The same old defects and stuff you wished weren’t there will still be there.

The same negative talk and harsh judgment of yourself. The same denials of certain traits and denials of natural and normal human characteristics.

There needs to be a change in the way you approach the world and yourself. There needs to be a change in your awareness of what is really going on.

Changing the idea of who you are is really just like rearranging the food on your plate and thinking you have something different.

Trying to block out all the bad traits you have is not going to work because you have those traits.

Ignoring them doesn’t make them not exist.

Anything you don’t freely admit to will hurt you. It will make you suffer until you can become aware of yourself as having that trait, being brutally honest and accepting that trait in your experience of life.

Understand that all human beings at some point in their lives will display a trait or could potentially display a trait. This is crucial to how you like yourself.

Good and Bad

In our little idea of who we are and the self-image we have, we cut the world into two.

We then agree to accept that we have the good half and we deny and spend our lives desperately trying to avoid anyone, including ourselves, noticing that we actually do have the ‘bad’ traits as well. Of course you are likely not aware that your self-image (ego) does this denial, but somewhere in your past, most likely to ensure being looked after and loved, you subconsciously learned that there were certain traits that were not acceptable.

Note: I notice the common way of teaching children recently is to say in a wise, forceful voice ‘that is not acceptable’ as the child does something child-like

When something is not acceptable you shove that trait or the potential for that trait to the deep, dark recesses of your experience, hopefully never to be seen again.

The problem arises because you are whole and complete and everyone in the world will at some point experience being rude, lazy, selfish, mean, greedy… I will talk more about why you experience everything elsewhere, but for now just take it has truth that you are everything.

When you shoved these traits down the back they did not disappear. How could they, there is no real you with which to decide not to be something?

Your self-image is an idea of who you are and who you think you should be. It does a great job at convincing you and others that are none-the-wiser that you are a certain way absolutely. Maybe you like to come across a certain way – kind, nice, generous for example – or tough and strong maybe, but that is not an absolute reality, it is not a Truth of the way things really are in existence.

They Are Still There

These traits you decided you never wanted to be there never went away.

As you go about your life they will always be there and they will always show up in your interpretation of how you are sooner or later. So what do you think that does to your thoughts of yourself when these ‘bad’ unacceptable traits keep coming up in your awareness?

The solution is shadow work.

Shadow work begins with an understanding of the reality that you are not really, really, really a certain, fixed, absolute way. You are whole, alive, conscious and will experience every interpretation on the scale from bad to good at some stage.

There are times you will be uglier than some but more beautiful than others. There will be times when you will seem rude and other times you will seem polite.

Other times you will be intelligent compared to someone else yet another time someone smarter will be in your awareness and interpretation.

Maybe you just are stupid compared to the majority of the population. So what? If that is how it is in your experience, so be it.

I really am talking about your brutal honesty and acceptance in your own awareness of these traits.

You could have shoved ‘rude’ to the back because you were always told to be good and polite.

This rudeness, until it is accepted as being an OK part of you, will continue to cause problems for you whenever it shows up. It will show up in some way in YOUR universe. It will show up in some part of your experience of life and you will feel terrible when it does. The trait won’t stop showing up in your life as a problem until it is allowed to be there without resistance.

It Is OK To Be Rude

It is OK to be rude. In certain circumstances it is appropriate to behave in a way that someone else might judge you as rude. Maybe to get what you want or to stand up for yourself you will come across as rude.

It is only an interpretation.

My self-esteem went through the roof when I had this realisation and worked to go through over 1,000 traits and accept that I had displayed them or could display them all.

No exceptions. Brutal honesty and making it perfectly OK that as a human being I am imperfect and just trying to get along. I do the best with my level of awareness in each moment. In relation to others (compared to others) who have different values and desires, you will behave, say or do something that could be called ‘bad’.

Accept that.

I even have a little giggle to myself when I interpret myself as ‘bad’ and remind myself that I am just doing my best and certainly don’t need extra judgment. When you do this, that judge will quieten down in your head and let you simply be who you are.

Apart from this your effectiveness and ability to interact with the world and others will sky rocket also. You will no longer have little parts of your psyche trying to show up and sabotaging you. These parts of your psyche will simply rest and leave you to create your world.

As you own and accept everything about yourself you will love yourself so much that it hurts sometimes! And how can you have low self-esteem when you love yourself?

Impossible.

Related Pages Below..

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Definition Of Self-Esteem

You likely have an idea of a definition of self-esteem. A self-esteem definition could be anything describing feeling bad about yourself, or good. One of the main causes of feeling not good enough in my experience is a lack of self-acceptance. It is not related to your achievements or what you do or have in the external world… Read More

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Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Transforming your experience of yourself is the key to overcoming low self esteem.  In 2007 two years after I had my first and most profound enlightenment experience I realised how I could learn more about my conditioning and programming.

Unfortunately you and everyone else grew up with less than ideal influences and messages.  You are subject to the messages from your parents and teachers about what is right and wrong.  However Mum and Dad or whoever took care of you have their own unique hurt and fear and this shapes the messages you receive.

Your self-image and your ideas of what is acceptable and expected is formed from these messages and your own unique interpretations of what you experience… Read More

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Signs Of Low Self-Esteem

How to spot the most common signs.

  • Feeling apologetic for your existence
  • Feeling embarrassed to let others see you spend time on your-self, e.g. grooming
  • Feeling that you are a burden to others… Read More

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11 Ways To Improve Self-Esteem

Things to change about the way you think of yourself and others.  Start to undo the ego and beliefs and
instead go for what is true about life and you!…Read More

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Improving Your Self-Esteem

Learn why nothing you own or posses or achieve has the power to permanently change the way you feel about yourself… Read More

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Help Low Self-Esteem

How and why your mind is responsible for low self esteem and what you can do about it starting today…Read
More

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Enhancing Self-Esteem

The approach to raising self esteem that I promote is all about aligning yourself with spiritual principles.  It does not require you to believe a religion or follow a guru, it just asks you to notice
what makes human beings feel good… Read More

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Raise Your Self-Esteem

It is up to you how much work you wish to do in transforming your experience of life.  Put it this way, Buddha sat alone under a tree for six years and I bet he wasn’t lonely or felt unworthy. If you are to have high self esteem you will need to have an experience of what a self actually is… Read More

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Boosting Self-Esteem

You can have short-term boosts to your self esteem but these are ego based and disappear as quickly as they come.  Or you can go for permanent, long-term transformation that brings naturally high self
esteem… Read More

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The Process of Raising Self-Esteem

Maybe reading these will open up a new life of possibility for you.  Some might think it sounds scary but if you are serious about discovering…Read More

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Self-Esteem Poems

The most relevant self-esteem poems to this website and shadow work. These poems all express the importance of self-acceptance. Ellen’s is wise and I also love Rumi’s. Although they are not strictly obviously self-esteem poems, they are about complete self-acceptance and that is the crux of self-esteem help… Read More

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Self-Esteem Quotes

Below is a selection of self-esteem quotes spoken from a place of clear awareness describing a main cause of low self-esteem.

People think it is a virtue to disown parts of themselves of which they disapprove. All they succeed in doing is to keep themselves stuck with those parts forever. They have cut off the only means of growth or transformation. Nataniel Branden.. Read More

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Self-Empowerment, Self-Esteem Empowerment, Empowerment Exercises

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Four Ways To Self-Empowerment

Here are four ways to self-empowerment. The best and easiest personal empowerment exercises that I use every day and have helped transform my life are below.

None of these exercises are a quick fix forever. You become a product of your habits over time. If you introduce and practice a new habit such as the ones below, even for five seconds, you will experience personal self-empowerment.

1. Be In Your Body

About two finger-widths below your belly button is the area that could be thought of as your physical and energy centre.  It is a place that martial artists and masters of eastern practices such as Tai Chi and Qigong are aware of and they regard as a place of power.  Referred to as dantien, you could also imagine
your breath starts and finishes here.  When you have your awareness on this internal centre you feel more relaxed, calm, present and powerful…try it, practice it, meditate on it.

2. Be Directly Conscious Of Your True Nature

Beyond the experience of your thoughts and emotions there is something more real.  To be directly conscious of your true nature helps you to de-identify with your thoughts and emotions.  You are not your emotions you have emotions.  You are not your thoughts you have thoughts.  Practice watching with awareness.

3. Be 100% Responsible

You can live two ways; either live as if everything you experience is your responsibility, or pick and choose which experiences you want to take responsibility for.

4. Always Reach For A Slightly Better Feeling

Feelings can be thought of as a spectrum rather than each ones as separate entities.  At one end of the spectrum you have deep depression and suicidal thoughts.  At the other end you have peace and contentment.  Because feelings exist on a spectrum you can always do something or think something that moves you a bit closer to the next feeling higher up on the spectrum.  You can read extensively about this in the book Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.